News

CHICAGO, IL- The headlines in both the Sun Times and the Trib said it all after the big Milwaukee beat down by United “Hayes… O-U-T… O-M-G”. The little champion sustained a broken finger and will (hopefully) miss this massive game against the cellar dwelling Rhinoceros’. He is the biggest name from a long list of players out injured or sucking up to their girlfriends and driving 6 hours to spend some time with her parents in Columbus (no names mentioned here as we have to keep it a secret from Rocky in case he decides to tag along and claim his old pal back). While the Piranhas will be missing Hayse, the Rhinos go in without Forte and Eli Rosen (both forever, tempted by the naked Germans that hang out in all those lovely parks in Berlin), John Scher who has lost his backbone, Tobias Allen (apparently Braz did catch him!!!) and finally Jeremy Morgan but who really cares? The Rhinos have the Kid and he hasn’t been seen for awhile. Rumors abound of a former 400 pounder pounding the southside pavements and it is not Bobby Jenks. Apparently the kid has dropped a lazy 50 lbs and is again beating Oscar in sprints and he will lead a hungry Rhino outfit into battle against the highly fancied Piranhas.

MacGlashan is coming off his best game in nigh on 3 years with his best on ground performance for the Old Guns in the old boys clash over the weekend. Ehlers looked good, if horribly, horribly slow and Betty Palmer will be looking to bust a few heads. Roofy hopefully, wont play but you never know with him do ya? MacGlashan and Hayse have offered a limousine and baby sitter on top of his already hefty salary but this still might not be ebough to tempt him into playing on a rock hard ground in 90 degree temps.

This game has all the hallmarks of an upset. The Piranhas have the experience, the height, the Paddys and one Nolan McKeegan but without Hayse, they could be the proverbial ship without a rudder. The Rhinos have…., well, given more time I am sure to think of something… got it… the better looking outfits! The Rhinos have a surprise, an ace up the sleeve, a dum- de- dum… a ringer! Not gonna say much more apart from the lad is from Maryknoll, a beautiful town of 23 people, 300, 000 sheep and 500, 000 cows and triple that in Kangaroos. A statue of our lady greets weary visitors who curse the dirt road that takes you up to Maryknoll so you know it is a lovely spot….. forgot to mention the 9999999999999999, 99999999999, 99999999999913 bloody Mozzies that inhabit the area too. Anyway, I have a ringer… or do I? Is this mrely a ruse to get MacGlashan worried? Unless its Chris Judd or Matty Richardson himself, how can one man even help the Rhinos. Lets see……… Gore Gore Gore!

Piranhas by 10 goals

DETAILS:
WHERE: Waveland Park, Waveland and LSD
WHEN: Fri, July 16th at 6pm
WHO: LP Piranhas v WV Rhinos
WHAT ELSE: Tigers to supply umps and hopefully lots of beer coz its gonna be hotter than Rockys arse after a night in the slammer with his old mate ‘Bubba’… Al told me mate, tough break. Here you are still friends on facebook though? That’s nice.
BIG MATCH UPS: Ward v Disco, Drake v Ehlers, Blundell v Palmer
WHO TO WATCH: LP: Ward, Fresh, McKeegan
WV: Hattery, Stenger and Blundell… the form player in the competition

CHICAGO, IL- The real men of Chicago are back, bigger (literally with regards to a few), not so much better but as cunning as old foxxes to take on the new guns of Chicago football in what is always (well, we’ve only done it one other time… I kicked 6 on Brazendale just quietly!) a great day on the Chicago footy calendar.

In a contest where bullshit will be the ultimate winner, its hard to see a bunch of young wannabes make any dent against the talent pooled against them. The mere mention of some of these names is enough to have a Kangaroo or Bomber or even a random Blue boy running for the hills. Brazendale, Kastilahn, Bacon, Latessa, Berry, Callachor, Masters, Morgan(s), Ehlers, Donuts, Miller, Gambaro, and perhaps the best of the bunch, Drake and MacGlashan all are out and out champions having represented the best of Chicago Football for a combined 350 years (Al makes up 75 of them himself). Are the legs there though and who the hell is picking up Billy and Haysie because it certainly wont be this little black duck!

The young guns have a pitifully weak line up that wouldn’t scare a bunny rabbit. They are coming off a demolition by the all star old boys 2 years ago (3 points if I remember rightly?) and it looks like Holmberg is missing which will leave a few doors open for the pups. But as they say in Milwaukee, if Brazendale is in the team, lets just give up and not even try as its like pinning diarhoea to the wall… truthfully, they say that up there…. Milwaukee are always talking shit.. get it? I am on fire today.

Anyway, back to the footy….. the only thing longer than the nose and ear hairs on a few of the legends will be the stories of the goals once kicked and grabs once taken. For the record, Callachor has never kicked a 70 m goal to beat Carlton (that was Blighty) and Bacon has never sat on Kelvin Moores head to take a hanger… but it may have happened, who knows. Shit this Corona is going down well.

Where’s Basher? What about Spider? Who the hell is Poncho playing for? Is Burgmann threatening to turn up for this? Braz, you’re coaching mate…. best of luck trying to keep Jules away from the goals.

I don’t even want to talk abou the young’uns, they’ve got nothing to talk about… except Billy and Jase Wilhelm, now there’s two good looking chaps… strewth, that 8th Corona went down way to quick.

DETAILS:

WHO: Chicago Old Boys v Chicago Wannabes
WHEN: Saturday, July 10th at 3pm sharp
WHERE: Waveland Fields, CNR LSD and Waveland Aves
ANYTHING ELSE? Turn up, you’ll get a game. This is a fundraiser for our old mate Rich Noty’s Leukemia Fund so ddig deep and help support our club and the wonderful strides being made in this field that has had such a profound effect on our beloved club.
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
Old Boys: MacGlashan (Gun forward, massive grab), Brazendale (speed to burn), Pace McCormick (watch carefully as he’ll be injured by 1/4 time), Latessa (more skills than one man deserves… be done by 1/4 of the way through the first 1/4 though).
Young’uns: No one, weak as buggery

MILWAUKEE, WI – On a beautiful Wisconsin day, where the mercury threatened 90 in the breathless expanses of Brown Deer Park, Chicago United headed to the home of Millers, Brewers, Bucks and a tonne of leftover Germans to take on the might and power of the Bombers. A long history preceded the interlopers from the south and it was with much aplomb that the two teams took the field, marshaled very impressively by Milwaukee legends Gazza and big Plugger. All that was missing was an Al MacGlashan hurling abuse at the two old combatants in white from the sidelines.

Chicago let their intentions be known from the jump. With the magnificently quaffed Jason Wilhelm dominating the air, Chicago onballers Hayse, Brennan, Zukowski and Blundell were getting plenty of the pill and they had plenty of willing participants up forward demanding the ball. Hoyt was again busy, Roofy was being double teamed but still managing to present, Gordon Ambrosino looked like he maybe running into some circa 2006 form and the little Tiger in Nolan McKeegan was being a pain in the butt for the Milwaukee defence…. if only they all could’ve kicked straight! Time and again Chicago peppered the goals for no joy until the flamboyant Ambrosino snapped impressively to bring up the first two finger salute for the visitors. Chicago continued to attack but the Milwaukee defence continued to defy them and as the quarter went on, the Bombers started to show glimpses of the talent they have mustered over the off season. With Chicagos inaccuracy and a more confident Milwaukee team, the teams went into the first break nice and close with the United leading 2.7: 19 to 0.2: 2.

Hendrie swung the moves and the United responded in kind. Drake went into the middle with Hayse, Wilhelm and Brennan and together the foursome combined well winning numerous clearances and continually forcing the ball forward to their hungry forwards who were still being kept under wraps by their Bomber counterparts. Finally the big man in Roofy got free and was able to goal to set the score board ticking. Chicago continued to force their will on Milwaukee and it was all the Bombers could do to hang on and not succumb. The United kept attacking and the ball was rarely out of their forward 50 and with Hoyt, Ambrosino, Dorsett and McKeegan smelling goals like a post game Schlitz, it was the Bombers who had to hold fast. The Chi town boys started pummeling the goals and brought up four majors for the quarter with innacuracy being the main reason this game wasn’t over by the half. The Bombers were able to hit back with one late and at the major change it was United 6.9: 45 to the Bombers who were also getting a case of the Ian Baker Finch yips with 1.4: 10.

The third was a dour struggle broken up by a sneaky Ambrosino goal, the only for the quarter. With the heat rising, the midfielders struggled to run out the quarter with both backlines getting on top. Hayse was a ball magnet as was Blundell whose game was nothing short of sensational out on the wing made famous by Billy Uhlmann who was sadly missing from the United squad. Frank Bradley, along with McHale, Zukowski, Fitzgerald, Drake and legendary figure Al Mac… whoops, I mention legend and instantly think of Al!…. legendary figure big Spider had the backline rolling along like a Canadian on 15 beers to keep the Bombers goalless but at the other end, big Roofy and the dangerous Brian Hoyt were also finding it difficult to break free of the ‘Heater’ in Heath Moore and his band of merry men.

At the orange break, the United had a seemingly insurmountable lead of 42 points, leading 7.13: 55 to 1.7: 13.

The last quarter became a story of how far as the Bomber backs, worn down from repaeted United attacks continued to offer as much resistance as possible against a Chicago midfield that had completely taken over the game and boasting an impeneterable backline.

Goals started to flow as Roofy kicked 2 in succession, Hoyt got another as did the little Paddy in McKeegan to send him to the fine tally of 1.9 for the afternoon and bolster his chances for the golden goose. Seconds later though, deep in the Bomber forward line, an errant handball from Hayse left Drake floundering on the ground like a beached whale and his efforts to tap the ball through the Bomber goals saw him wincing in pain, anguish and embarassment as the ball, mercilessly, stopped right on the bloody line allowing a Bomber to swoop in and soccer their second through and return to pat the Pakenham boy on the head and thank him for his kind gesture and then to congratulate him on wresting the goose from McKeegans hands.

With it all over bar the shouting, Roofy took the last grab of the game on the boundary and Brain Hoyt like, kicked a magnificent banana to put the icing on the cake for the United as they set up what will be one of the biggest games in MAAFL history in August when they head south to take on Nemeth, Vsetka and the Roo Boys in what will be a cracker of a game.
For Chicago, a wins a win and they dominated this game for the whole 90 odd minutes but bad kicking and a stout Milwaukee defence kept this one a tad closer than the scoreline shall suggest. With Gambaro, Uhlmann and a host of others to return, training must be emphasized by all to ensure your spot in this team. Wilhelm was sensational in the ruck and his duel with the Bomber ruckman was fantastic all day. Hayse picked up at least 40 possessions and was instrumental in the win. Dougie Fresh, Betty Palmer, Zukowski, McHale and Ambrosino were others who stood out for the United. McKeegan had the ball on a (crooked) string and will be invaluable in Nashville (look for him to put his hand up for the runaway train that night too just quietly!). Old timers Spider, Bradley, Drake and Hoyt all played well in the challenging conditions and in the end it was a gutsy, if unpolished win for United. The Bombers were stoic and threw all they had at their highly fancied opponents. Heater was excellent in defence, Siegel ran himself into the ground in the middle and their ruckman was fantastic (as was # 1, sorry don’t have a name). The Bombers have some good young kids coming though and with some positive recruiting, they will quickly return to the top of the MAAFL heap.

Finally, cheers must go out to the fantastic job done by Gaz and Plugger in the middle….. and both did actually get out of the middle… though never happy about it!! Well done lads.

The Chicago United will make the lovely trip up 94 north to the green pastures of Brown Deer Park which plays home to the Milwaukee Bombers. A recent change in game time tip off this Saturday at 11am will allow both teams to support the US Soccer Team in their face off against Ghana at 1PM. AJ Bombers, the Milwaukee Bombers sponsor pub, will play host to the rowdy and battered bunch.

The Milwaukee Bombers and Chicago United matchup is one of USAFL’s longest and most heated rivalries. The expectations for both parties are high with the men of the United looking to keep the MAAFL crown and the ‘Bomb-Squad’ looking to regain their former glory of years before.

After trips to Columbus and Denver have stretch the United roster thin, Coach Hendrie is extremely confident in the full cast of characters he plans to put on the pitch come tomorrow morning. Many of the lads have made their way back from South Africa and perhaps even sobered up. Oscar Meyer has been seen leaving Heathrow Airport with a Carlsberg in hand. Not to worry, his last Metro match proved his stench can often play to full forward’s advantage.

Many of the new rookies have moved beyond the first year jitters and bring a new level of fitness and speed to the club. Jason “Buddy Holly” Wilhelm will be back in the ruck which should allow new boys Pedro and Jayson to run wild right from the whistle. Brandon Harper has proven to make people miss and will provide ample support in midfield and forward lines. Newbie Patrick McHale will hold ground in the back and possesses great tackling abilities and vision to move the ball quickly out of the back.

Let’s not forget the vets. Eons of experience will be making the trip and Chicago will have a full squad running like crazy. Matty L, Toby, and IrishAmerican Graham Cracker will patrol the midfield with support from the outside gazelles in Billy The Nut and Hazey. Getting the ball outside and down the flanks using these speedy midfielders will prove to be asset at the big Brown Deer Park pitch.

Big Rohan Ward will be launching the aerial assault on the Bomber squad. And with Big Roofs proud parents making the trip from Oz, he’ll be itching for a bag-o-goals. Needless to say Roofy often gets doubled-up so support from Oscar Meyer will be crucial. Still unknown is one Brian Hoyt. United last match up against Cincy saw the leader of the epic “Sweet Package” band with two left hands – more like stumps or nubbins’. It was even seen post-game when Hoyty let several cold beers slip through his fingers. However, the always extroverted and confident Brian will be sure to make a needed impact against a staunched Milwaukee defense.

Milwaukee has their gunners too. Aussie Nathan Coad has bagged his share of goals for the Bombers. Corey Malchow has effectively controlled the midfield for Milwaukee this year showing skill and athleticism resulting in several BOGs. Rookie Ferrari has also shown footy is the game for him utilizing a big leg and great vision.

However, they will all have to come through the MAAFL’s most feared defense captained by President Frank Bradley. Even though Frank is well past his prime and lacks any real game with the ladies off the field, he continues to be a force and the anchor in the United defense. In support will be the confident BJ Gambaro who is not to be underestimated. His skill and poise in the back is often the catalyst behind many great United runs. Fitzgerald will look to get the ball outside and up to the big lads up top, while Betty Palmer will lurk in the shadows hoping to plant a big hit on any Bombers crossing his path.

Ball up at 11AM. Hope to see many United Fans in support of this great game and great team.