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It was a dreary, murky morning when the heavily favored boys from Chicago took their allocated seats and began the long drive down the I-65 to meet the Ohio Valley River Rats in Cincinnati. Luckily, United had sent three lads in Basher, Forte and young Jack Thompson down the night before to at least have some players fresh and settled for the season opener. United were to welcome first MAAFL gamers in ‘Rocky’ Deehan, Nolan McKeegan, Basher, Forte and young Jack Thompson. Selectors were impressed by Rocky’s commitment to looking after himself by attending a relaxing evening at the Art Museum the night before. The poor lad was then so anxious about the game he was unable to get to sleep. The anxiety continued throughout the day with repeated vomiting. Bloody lucky he played well!

The team eventually arrived in Cinci expecting to see Bash, Forte and young Jack Thompson awaiting them but alas this was not to be and it wasn’t to be for a long time afterwards. United had also learnt of the loss of Pace, Clarkey and The Kid on the journey down so the team was 6 players short of what was expected to start the game. The weather had cleared up setting the scene for a great game of football.

United’s team was reshuffled to account for missing players and they started well with an early goal to Hoyt. This was about the only joy for Chicago in the 1st Quarter as the River Rats begun to run rampant around the ground winning possession at will and easily moving the ball amongst themselves without any pressure. Matt Suellar was dominant up forward for the Rats overpowering his quality Chicago opponents and kicking 3 of their 5 goals for the quarter. While ‘Lenny’ Ehlers was able to score his first goal against the tide for United to add some respectability to the scoreboard, the team looked like they’d all been eating meat pies throughout the 5 hour journey that morning. To add to the disappointment of the 1st Quarter, United cruelly lost the services for the rest of the game of top player, ‘Poncho’ Bradley with a dislocated shoulder. Roofy Ward, Crackers Brennan and Lenny were the exceptions in a lack lustre display.

While the team was disapponted with their efforts, after a cool, quiet quarter time discussion amongst the team, their was a strong resolve to do better in the 2nd Quarter. The team was also bolsted by the appearance of Basher, Forte and young Jack Thompson at the field. Apparently the three lads thought it was a 20 minute trip from Louisville to Cinci rather than the 2 hours that it actually took.

The intensity lifted ten fold in the 2nd Quarter with the River Rats sensing the biggest upset in US Footy history and United determined to reverse the flow of the game. Two quick goals to Lenny and one to Betty Palmer tightened the game up before Ohio Valley rolled the dice again and extended their lead with a couple of goals. The desire from both teams was obvious with players throwing themselves at the ball willing their team to take the momentum. First gamer Nolan McKeegan entered the fray and was an unlikely star for United and it was his hard work to get the ball to Roofy who tied up the scores at half time.

The game was balancing on a razor’s edge at half time though the feeling in the United camp was that the game had turned. Chicago’s onballers were winning plenty of the ball and were moving it quickly to the dominant Roofy and Lenny up forward. The support for each other in contests that was lacking early in the game was suddenly there with plenty of options provided to blokes stuck in tight situations. Forte moved down back to support his skipper, BJ Gambaro, and together they were wrestling control from Sueller up that end of the ground. The team knew that sticking to their style of play was going to be too much for the River Rats to overcome.

The 3rd Quarter begun very much like the first with liitle drive through the center and Coach Mustard was preparing himself for another cool, quiet discussion with his troops. While Ohio Valley once again dominated the midfield a determined defence for United prevented any scoring. Inspired by the work of Fitzy, BJ, Forte and Rocky down back the rest of the team cam to life. Great team play by Betty and Nolan resulted in Fitzy scoring a goal followed by more quality team goals to Oscar and Lenny. This was to be the last resistance from the River Rats as the remainder of the game was all Chicago. In what was a game in the balance at half time, Chicago were going into the last quarter with a 23 point lead.

The last quarter rained goals for the men from the windy city as again their quality team play and ball movement ran rings around their gallant opponents and provided plenty of scoring opportunities for their team mates. A lighter and much fitter (though I still wouldn’t let him pet the rabbits, George) Lenny capped off a great game with two more for the quarter to finish with six for the game. Young Jack Thompson provided some quality efforts in defence to once again help keep Ohio Valley scoreless for the quarter and his experience will no doubt prove beneficial in the future.

The game was over and Chicago could feel pleased with a 68 point victory after their longest road trip of the year. Our game style has again progressed from last year and helped to offset a lack of fitness which plagues the club early in the season (those damn Chicago winters). Roofy was sensational at Center Half Forward and will continue to provide plenty of opportunities for anyone who is willing to run to his feet and collect his crumbs. Crackers was the dominant onballer for our club gaining 1000 possessions through the midfield and BJ and Forte were dominant down back after quarter time. The major blow for the club is the loss of Poncho who will be desperated to beat the odds and be available for the big clash against the Nashville Kangaroos on the 30th of May.

Well done to all who made the trip. Anyone who has made a trip to Cinci can attest for it being an absolute classic experience. The game has set the scene for the club to make a charge at becoming the first MAAFL team to 3peat. Positions on the team are only going to be getting hotter with about 6 players returning to the side for the Nashville Kangaroos game on the 30th of May. Getting to trainings can greatly increase your chances of playing.

GREEN JACKET:
Drewbie Ehlers

GOLDEN GOOSE:
Rod “Basher” Bashford (arriving late for the game after driving down the day before)

Burgmann Fields, IL- The Chicago lakefront was abuzz both before and after this titanic struggle Friday night. The return of Rod Bashford brought out some 3 extra supporters to add to the Gore army and after their impressive win first up against the Tigers of Lincoln Square, it was a confident Wrigleyville club that took the field to take on last years premier, the incredibly tall and strong Piranhas.

In a turn for the ages, it was Wrigleyville who lobbed with the numbers, bringing every player on their list excepting legendary figure Craig ‘Funky’ Miller who is as reclusive as Warrick Burgmann these days. Reports that the two old mates have begun shacking up at the corner of Belmont and Halsted and winning tonnes of money in the ‘shower competition’ held every friday night at the Man Hole have not been confirmed…. nor denied. The Rhinos actually had to hand over their latest recruit, Sammy Blundell to the Piranhas and like a bastard, he must have picked up 10 possessions in the first half to piss Morgan and Drake right off. The Piranhas managed 14 or so and the cheating bastards roped Crackers Brennan into the game which we will discuss no more in this media (Ku*ts).

Anyway, back the foooty (you can tell the Piranhas coach is a bloody Collingwood supporter can’t you, cheating bastard… not sour grapes, more like sour bloody lemons, how the hell did we lose this Rhinos? SHIIIIT!). Now, back to it, I’m good again and apologise to the Lincoln Park fans and the scumbags that play for them. The game started with Mustard (or as he shall be known now… the blind bloke in white, I thought it was knee that was the problem, not his eyesight?) tossing the Sherrin skyward as big Stace and Wolfey stared each other down. The Piranha was first out of the gate with impressive sorties forward which were marred by some dodgey kicking and a staunch Rhino defence ably lead by Forte (someone find a nickname for him on this trip please…. Hoyt, get him drunk, naked and tied to a pole and see what we can come up with) and Disco who was starting to come back into some form ahead of the big one in Cinci.

The Piranhas were on top in the middle as Brennan, Isadore and Stace repeatedly won it out of the center but around the ground the Rhino was reigning supreme but they hit a wall in the name of Bluey everytime they went forward. His run, coupled with St Louis’s other favorite son in Gambaro was a privilage to watch. Big Roofy was again being frustrated up front as Forte was doing a stellar job on him and the Rhino backs kept them in it as John ‘high and happy’ Scher, Glenn Clarke and Jeffrey Borchardt all provided excellent opportunities for their forwards. It wasn’t until Forte, creeping up the ground, was able to take a bounce and kick long that the Rhinos finally were able to score. His bomb found the OBK who took what many called mark of the century. The kid, not missing a beat, played on and drilled the Rhinos first from about 50 (inches) out. At the quarters end, the Rhino loomed large, 1.0:6 to 0.3: 3.

The Piranha was not to be denied though and came out full of piss and vinegar as the game rose a notch. The tackling was sensational and there wasn’t an easy kick to be found (trust me, I looked everywhere for one). New gun Nolan was the first to score with an impressive goal to put the Piranhas in front and when Bluey, after another of his damaging runs out of defence took a bounce and went BANG from 40 put the Piranhas further in front it was a worried Drake that threw himself into the ruck and Wolfe to full forward to see whether the Rhinos could get something going. The ploy worked with Wolfe banging home a snap in heavy traffic to send the game into half time with the Piranhas in front 2.5: 17 to 2.1: 13

With the Piranhas on top through the center, Ambrosino went into the middle but with the move of Roofy into the ruck, the Pirnahs continued to dictate the flow of the ball but were unable to break the back of the Rhino as their youngsters continued to frustrate. Jack Thompson again showed he is a class act as did first gamer Elijah (Oscars mate hence a future Tiger) and the unsung Rhinos such as the two Tylers (Hattery playing a great game on Al and then tristan), Scher and panek were able to weather the storm and turn the game for the Rhino. Drake threw the dice and moved Morgan to defence and Forte up front and the big fella saluted his coach with two big 3rd quarter goals to put the Rhinos back in front and send MacGlashan sprawling as he searched his stacked team for answers to the big blonde. Forte could’ve had number three were it not for a ‘Golden Goose’ moment from the other big blonde in Wolfe. A Forte bomb was met by the lone Wolfe in the goalsquare whose attmepted mark hit him in the chest, knocked him over and dribbled through for a behind. The ensuing Gambaro kick in found the one Rhino in amongst about 8 Piranhas as BJ raised his hand for the Golden Goose too. Luckily for the other big blonde (sounds like the pages of playboy!), Borchardts shot flew wide and the Pirnhas were able to clear. Enter Rohan Ward. Well beaten last week and constantly frustrated by poor Piranha delivery, the great man finally said enough is enough and went on his way to winning the game by himself. MacGlashan went down back to get out of his way and the Roof took over. His goal, on the trot late in the third was important as it wrested the lead back from the Rhinos, who had had most of the play and were now going into the orange break 4.1: 25 to 3. 9: 27 down.

The last quarter had everything as both teams threw everything they had at each other. The backmen for both teams were under incredible pressure but didn’t crack. The piranhas, preffering the long bomb, took away their big advantage in Roofy, providing easy fodder for Drake who had put himself back to try and stem the Ward onslaught. Kastilahn was given the big job on Forte and MacGlashan played himself free across the backline and he took some telling grabs. Roofy’s next opportunity came via a very suspect ‘handball’ (can’t complain though, everyone except for mustard saw the first one for the Rhinos!) which he duly snapped over the shoulder for number 2 to send the Piranhas fans into a frenzy. The Rhinos continued to attack though and if not for some stanuch defence, would have won. A telling play by the OBK on the goal line where he rose above a pack of players like Michael Jordan himself and tapped it to Basher let the little man nail his first and get the Rhinos to within a point. She was hairy stuff as following the bounce, Borchardt marked and drove the ball forward urging his forwards to take one last grab but like a Greek God, big Al was able to mark in front of Forte and clear the danger. The whistle sounded like a poachers gun shot to the Rhino heart as the Piranhas ran out winners by one freaking point meaning all teams have a win each after the first round of Metro.

Burgmann Fields, IL- Without the ‘mann’ brothers in Burg and Uhl and also missing Biggs, Crabs and Frenchy, the Tigers destroyed the short handed but still powerful Piranhas with a suffocating backline, great ball use and constant pressure that the Piranhas couldn’t handle, making many elementary skill errors and mental mistakes.

The Tigers started red hot and were never challenged in this one. Oscar Meyer, very vocal midweek about Wrigleyville’s borrowing of Piranha players last week, feasted on a great big piece of humble pie as the Rhinos Gordon Ambrosino, back from rockclimbing in Arizona and playing for the Tigers broke the game open with two first term goals, both from great marks. Brian Hoyt was busy after his poor showing last week and Crackers Brennan was everywhere, absolutely everywhere and doing pretty much what he wanted. His run from the center was a tribute to the ruck work of both new Tiger guns EP and Joe, both of whom were sensational throughout the whole game. Hoyt banged on number three for the Tigers before the Piranhas had even visited their forward line. When Brennan kicked number four, a rout was on the cards as the Tigers had winners everywhere. All Piranha forays forward were met by the great wall of Poncho and his pack of hungry Tigers including first gamer Rory, Art and Clarkey. The efforts from MacGlashan and Bluey in the overwhelmed backline for the Parkers were for nought as clearing kicks continually found the imposing arms of Tiger big men, Poncho, Joe, EP and Pace who merely drove the ball back inside 50 for their hungry forwards. At quarter time, a shell shocked Piranha outfit limped in 4.3: 27 to 0 to a verbal tongue lashing from the big Aussie from Corio Bay.

The second quarter started well for the Piranhas as Deri Morgan accepted a lovely tap from big Stace in the middle, had a bit of a run and banged home the fishes first. But then, Crackers, Tommy, Rory et al had other ideas and dominating posession, control the rest of the quarter. Fitz, continuing his fine form from the end of last season hit his straps and kicked the Tigers fifth with a bomb on the trot from about 40 out that brought a big cheer from the adoring crowd. Ambrosino, proving to be a right pain in MacGlashans backside popped up again with another grab and goal from distance that effectively put the game out of reach. With the Tiger backs pushing forward at will and the sheer domination shown by Crackers, Rory, Oscar, Clarkey, EP and Joe around the ground, it was a fair effort by the Piranha backs in Big Al, Bluey from St Louisy, Cisco, Nolan, Sammy Blundell and Chris to hold the Tigers to just two. At the half, a demoralised Piranha team saw an ugly scoreboard that read 6.5: 41 to 1.1: 7.

Wholesale changes were afoot in the Park as Ehlers went forward with Roofy into the ruck and Isadore onto the ball but still the Tigers, looking for retribution for the schelacking they received a the hands of the Piranhas in last seasons grand final, continued to rub their noses in it. Rory was able to mark 20 out dead in front after yet another break down in Piranha communication and he duly slotted his first major of his fleeting career to send the Tigers further up. When Oscar Meyer found himself alone in the pocket, his ensuing mark and goal effectively killed the game, setting off wild celebrations in Lincoln Square taht lasted most of the night. Ehlers was hit on the left tit by a lovely pass late in the quarter and kicked a bomb of a goal from about 45 yds out which offered some solace as the orange break was taken, Lincoln Square leading 8. 6: 54 to 2.2: 14.

The last quarter was an arm wrestle as the Tigers missed tonnes of chances (kicking 4 straight behinds… 5 if you include that of the Piranhas) but constantly won the ball at stoppages through the tireless work of Rory, Crackers and Fitz. Despit ethe height advantage enjoyed by the Piranhas, it was the Tigers who dominated the aerial batttles with new blokes EP and Joe taking grabs at will and being very ably supported by Poncho behind them mopping up anything that got through. The frustration on Roofys face was evident as the Piranhas, usually deft of foot and hand, repeatedly hit Poncho with long bombs after ignoring his leads and demands. Ehlers was able to take a late mark and kick his second of the afternoon as the whistle mercifully ended one of the worst afternoons in Piranha history (and there’s been a few!). The Tigers went on to celebrate a big win 8.10: 58 to 3.6: 24. With big guns missing from both teams, it’s hard to gauge the effect this game will have on the rest of the season but rest assured, the Piranha will bite back and be better for the run as they face off against Jezza Morgan and the fearsome Rhinos next week in a do or die game that the Piranhas must win.

CHICAGO, IL- Burgmann Field was full to capacity with a huge crowd on hand to welcome football back to Chicagos’ beautful Lake Michigan shoreline with a cracker of a game that had everything from a bit of biffo (who didn’t love seeing Grisoni lay out Betty Palmer?) to numerous lead changes in a heart stopping last quarter.

The game started with a great showing from the Tigers and yeat another disappointing one by the Rhinos who required the services of some Pee rah nas to enable a game of 16 a side to go on. Thankfully for the Rhinos though, they did get the 12 required to miss point deductions, much to the chagrin of big Mustard who was rueing his new rule brought out mid week.

The weather was a balmy 70 odd with a good 70 odd knot wind blowing across the ground with any advantage going to the Tigers who kicked to the northern end in the first stanza. From the bounce, it was obvious this was going to be an arm wrestle as both defences were on top as sides struggled to move the ball effectively in the conditions. Rhinos went with Kansas Hattery on the dangerous Burgmann who was looking resplendant in his “sexy capri pants and manicured toes”, while Drake was shadowed by Poncho up front for the Rhinestone cowboys.

The Tigers looked the goods out of the blocks as repeated forays forward looked dangerous but the extra man in ‘D’ for the Rhinos subdued any problems. Brennan was on fire early and the run of Poncho and Crabs out of the backline gave Burgmann, Meyer and the forwards plenty of opportunity, all to no avail however. Braddis was looking good and proved to be a handful for Disco Panek all day as the seemingly 30 lb lighter version of the 08 Braddis was running around like an acne scarred teenager with some high powered binoculars at a nudist colony.

It wasn’t long before the reason all the ladies turned up got hold of the ball but much to the assembled ladies dismay, Hoyts shot flew wide. A rejuvenated Biggs took a nice grab on a long lead in front of new Rhino Tyler Dorsett but he also shot wide. The Rhinos moved the ball down the ground through first gamer Clarke, top recruit and rugby convert Adrian Deeham and perennial legend Drew Wolfe and found new manager Jezza Morgan whose bomb into the far reaches of the forward line bounced into the waiting arms of Drake who, showing a bit more agility than anyone, particularly himself expected, went left, then right then back to the left in front of Poncho. Utterly confused and rueing his decision to go onto the left, he banged it on the foot anyway, just as a huge gust of wind came through, tilting the goal post and enabling his snap to sail through, breaking the strangehold the Tigers had had on the game thus far.

From the center bounce, the Tigers went back into attack and after dropped mark number 8 by Wazza, Braddis showed him how it was done with a lovely mark and goal to send the favorites into the first break 1.2: 8 to 1.0:6 up. The Tiger guns were firing with Burgmann, Poncho, Uhlmann and especially Oscar getting plenty of it, a worrying sign for the Rhinos who were being kept in it by first gamers Glenn Clarke, Jack Thompson and the hard running Jeff Borchardt.

Against a probable 2 goal breeze, the Tigers continued to dominate with Meyer becoming a particular pain in the arse for the Rhino hierachy as he seemingly had the ball on a string. He found Braddis early and the svelte big man popped through numero dos as the Rhino backs showed some tired legs. Drake went into the ruck and Wolfe to full forward as the Rhinos searched for their next goal. The move paid dividends as momentum shifted late in the first half.

Biggsy missed again and Braddis was unlucky as his third missed by centimeters then the Rhinos struck. Jack Thompson, the nephew of Swan legend Basher took the game on his shoulders as he continually presented up front. His first went wide but then picking the crumbs from a Wolfe lead, the big man sat back and nailed his first ever goal from 30 out on a tight angle. Wolfe was proving a handful for Gaelic import Rahilly and the Rhinos seemed to be getting on top as the siren blew. At the half, the Tigers went in 3.4: 16 to 2.3: 15 up with the game very much in the balance.

The second half was a doozy as the center lines for both teams took over. For the Tigers, Uhlmann, Meyer and Crabs were terrific but the Rhino backs in first gamers Forte, Hattery, Dorsett, Deeham and BOG Clarke were running hot. Poncho, Rahilly and big Pace kept the Rhino forwards at bay and the game became a war of attrition. Braddis, who was giving Disco Panek plenty to think about was able to break through for his third of the game but Jeremy Morgan, busy up front, was able to pull the Rhinos back after a deft handball from his coach let him dribble, literally, a ball through from 20 out. As they say in golfing circles Jezza, it’s how many, not how.

Brennan then struck for the Tigers as the lead changed again and again. Hattery continued to frustrate Burgmann while Hoyt was shifted into the backline to see if he could get that elusive second touch of the game. With the 2 main Tiger forwards being shut down, Braddis continued to resist but his snap was touched through for a point. From the kick out, the Rhinos, through Clarke, Morgan and Forte moved solidly on the top wing and Fortes bomb forward found Drake whose grab in heavy traffic was rewarded with a fine goal from 40 out. At the orange break she was anyones game with the Tigers still leading 4.7: 31 to 4.3: 27.

Drake, smelling an upset, through Forte and Clarke into the middle and Wolfe back into the ruck with Deeham back in the guts as well with the aim of stopping a red hot Crackers Brennan. The move paid off for the Rhino coach as Wolfes tap from the Big Al bounce found Forte who went bang from the center of the ground and the ball, bouncing in front of a leading Aussie Mike, evaded both him and his defender and mercifully for the Rhinos went through the big sticks to put the Rhino in front. Next up and the Rhinos attacked again with Morgan missing one he should’ve kicked before big Aussie Mike Allen said thanks very much and kicked truly to bring up his first to put the first nail in the Tiger coffin. Seconds later he had another chance but a sensational diving effort from Grisoni enabled him to get a hand on a certain 6 points, keeping the Tige’s in it.

With the pressure on, the Tigers, through Meyer, Crabs, Brennan and Mark Warren kept attacking until a Rhino defensive break down saw Uhlmann mark 30 out dead in front. His shot missed and the Rhinos were able to suffocate the game as Jack Thompson, Glenn Clarke and Jeffery Borchardt each stepped up again for important plays enabling the Rhino to gore its way to a momentous victory 6.5: 41 to 4.8: 32

In a season that started as badly as possible for the boys from Chicago, it matter nought as they barnstormed their way to consecutive MAAFL championships on the back of a strangling defence, great gmae plan and quick, energetic wingers and on ballers.

Way back in April, the United made their way down below the Mason Dixon to take on arch nemesis Nashville. With snow on the ground well into March, Chicago went in very underdone and paid the price with a ferocious opening term by the Roo boys who booted 7 goals to one and despite Chicago’s best efforts, were able to control the game until the end giving the reigning champs a classic wake up call and sending them back to Chicago with tail very much between their legs and facing old foe St Louis at home. Big Wazza Burgmann kicked a lazy 3 and Mustard De Jong tried his best along with Uhlmann and Hoyt but their resistance wasn’t enough.

Sarbacker and the Blues made the trip up the I55 in what is always a classic game. United had shelled out the big $$$ to recruit American legend BJ Gambaro and his first game in the Red, Black and White was a classic as he, Funky Miller and Poncho Bradley suffocated the Blue forwards. Drake moved himself forward in the last quarter and he, along with Uhlmann, Oscar Meyer, Dougie Fresh and Haysie broke the game apart with a 9 goal last quarter. The bad news following this game was the season ending injuries to Wazza (brain), Mustard (knee) and Pat Hoyt (knee) that put a big dent in the United line up.

The Ohio Vally team visited the shores of Lake Michigan next and a comfortable 6 goal win was brought about by the emergence of Brian Hoyt who snagged 7 big ones to set female hearts racing throughout the Chicago Metro area. The mercurial forward improved his form later that night as the worm made it’s first (and thankfully, not only) appearance of the season and even more female hearts crumbled as the “I like Brian” T-Shirt came off illuminating Bozo in all his glory. The Ohio Valley game signalled a resurgance though as the United team finally started to click as United guns in Roofy, the ever Dangerous Dave Allen and Mr Dependable, Poncho Bradley hit their strides ahead of the two remaining matches.

Chicago put on a rainy, windy, dreadful day to welcome the Freeze as they invaded our fair city. Scoring was hard but in one of the toughest games for a long time, where men threw themselves at the ball and each other (always fair and in the spirit of the game though), Chicago came out 7 points on top and with that thrilling victory and Milwaukees defeat of Nashville, all was slowly falling into place for the United lads. Uhlmann again was magnificent taking one of the seasons best grabs in the wet. Dave Allen continued to be a dangerous threat to the opposition and the continued good form of Hayse and Brennan was heart warming for the hierachy at Burgmann Towers. Other notables were the first gamers in Isadore, Casanovas, Dhoory, Stace and Pace with all representing the future of the club.

The finale to the season was delayed as the 90 minute drive up the I 94 instead turned to several hours as the Chicago heavens opened up again, drenching our fair city. Chicago went into the game several players down and one player with at least one finger down. The stage was set for Milwaukee to walk across the stage and accept their trophy as Chicago needed a big win to deny them on their own ground. The game started with Chicago looking menacing as they took the game right up to the Bombers and at the half, there was nowhere to hide as the United, tails up, looked to press the issue. B.O.G Frank Bradley had shut down big Heath in the Bomber forward line with Big Al finding a new position at full back as he and MAAFL/ USAFL legend, big Plugger duked it out for the umpteenth time in US footy history. The United runners in Miller, Hayse, Fitzgerald, Tyrekos, Casanovas, Wolfe and Isadore were on fire as they ran the Bombers off their feet giving the big fellas up forward in Drake, Roofy and Hoyty all the ball they needed. With the whipper snappers in Oscar and Gordo having big days as well, it became an 8 goal romp in Chicagos best game of the year. The history between these two clubs is well documented, making this victory even more special for all assembled.

For one week that seemed like a year, Chicago sat on the edge of her seat, waiting for the Nashville v Minessotta game. The Freeze needed to win or get within about 6 goals of the Roo boys for the glory to be ours again. In what must have been a cracker of a game (28 goals kicked), the Freeze collected a big win over what must have been a very determined Roo outfit who will rue this season which started so promising for them, only to end in anquish as successive trips north saw them in winning positions against both the Bombers and Freeze only to see them slip away.

The Freeze win handed Chicago it’s third MAAFL title and second in a row. Celebrations went on long into the night (and for some, into the emergency room!!) as September 20th became enshrined as “Chicago Day” with the United and the Cubs clinching along with the birth of a young De Jong warming hearts across the city.

The Chicago hierachy needs to take a bow though as their hard work starts to pay off. The win can be attributed to a competitive, well run Metro competition, born only three years ago. Some very handy recruits have started coming through coming through the ranks as training attendance improves out of sight meaning the future in the Windy City looks promising as they look to continue their winning ways next season and push for three in a row.

Burgmann Fields, IL – The Lincoln Park Piranhas, on the back of a 6 goal B.O.G effort by the Dangerous (Lethal!) Dave Allen have run away with the 2008 Metro Premiership in stunning fashion, leaving the hapless Tigers to lick their wounds as they look for answers in the offseason. Big Roofy was an irresistable force up forward, Big Stace dominated the midfield and the danger man for LP, Dave Allen, was stunning around the ground as the Piranhas did whatever they felt like after quarter time to run out winners 16.12: 108 to 6.4: 40

The game started positively for the Tigers with the birth of Jackson DeJong, a future first round draft choice in 16 years which was followed by an amazing goal by big Pace who…. now let me get this right because those assembled still can’t believe it….. read the ball magnificently off the pack and in the middle of the ground gave a handball in board and still running, demanded it back. He looked up and saw Hoyt with 3 Piranhas on him so, I’m not kidding here, took a bounce and dashed off in a manner belying the dodgey knees and extra couple of pounds around the girth. Luckily for him and the Tigers, the big fella didn’t realise the fleet of foot Hayse was behind him and he continued his forward advance and from 75 (well, 40) out went BANG and to everyones surpirse, most of all big Pace’s, the kangaroo skin sailed through the uprights. Wild celbrations broke out as MacGlashan lost his breakfast on the wing, classic stuff indeed!
Minutes later and Tommy Gun kicked another for the Tigers and all of a sudden it looked like the highly paid Australian mercenaries (more commonly known as Lincoln Park) were in trouble but they were able to steady and through a dominant midfield where Stace was winning every tap and giving his rovers first use, blokes like Haysie, Isadore, Deri, Fresh and of course the Dangerous one began running riot. Successive goals to Dave Allen showed that he was the dangerman for the Piranhas as Oscar tried everything to stop him to no avail. Isadore slammed on one for himself from the flank that brought the sizeable crowd to their feet and the Piranhas went into the first break with a 3.5: 23 to 2.1: 13 lead that, if Roofy had have kicked straight, could’ve been a lot more.

The Tigers continued to frustrate the Piranhas in the second as they constantly forced the ball forward through Oscar, Tommy Gun, Ortiz and the quiet Billy Uhlmann and a sleu of new faces including Dan, James, Billy and Brendan who all showed enough throughout the game to make the heads at Burgmann Towers very happy. When Oscar kicked a classic Oscar goal, ignoring three handballs and a lone Hoyt in the goalsquare, the lead was cut back to a kick and Al again began to sweat as his lunch looked unsure of staying in that magnificent gullet of his. Enter the dangerous Dave Allen , whose goal was a highlight reel classic and put the “ha” back in Piranha. Isadore followed up with another and Roofy finally broke the seal with two towering mark and goals that set the lovely Ness alight and sent Oscie fleeing onto the ground to congratulate his dad. While there, Oscie decided to sniff a few things, hump the odd leg and when he started gnawing on the OBK leg, enough was enough and he was banished back to his sideline setting where he refused to stay for long, taking off to take a dump on the bike track seconds later. At the half, the Piranhas had extended their lead to 7. 7: 49 to a brave Tiger outfit 3.2: 20 who were still in the hunt if they could get the slightest of murmurs out of their forwards.

The third quarter was more of the same however. Mighty Joe was given the task of taking on Roofy and despite giving away three feet in height, had until now done a commendable job, aided by Roofy having a case of the “Burgmanns” (How many times have I mentioned him thus far? I think I’ve reached the enforced quota? Incase not, here’s one more… Burgmann is shouting us all this Friday night as he apparently won $15K at Arlington Race track… or somewhere…. and the fact he no longer works at Bowmans means nothing, don’t read anything into it. Nothing untoward occurred and this column will not be privvy to the spreading of any salacious rumours and innuendo of any ‘funny’ business!!). Anyway, Roofy had a case of the ‘Burgmanns’ (strewth, I mentioned him again…. if anyones interested in chatting to Waz, his address has changed to thus “Warrick Burgmann, C/O Dept of Corrections, Cook County Gaol, California Ave, Chicago IL” Visiting hours are 9am to 12pm and 5pm – 7pm.) Anyway, where was I? Ok, yep, Roofy was kicking rather poorly considering his high standards but he was able to start the rout in the third breaking free to nail his third (haha, “nail”) and set the Piranha faithful alight. The Tigers knew Dave Allen was going to be a danger to them going in but they couldn’t cover his arse and he snagged two more for the quarter, one a bomb from 55 out after a lovely mark. Haysie continued his great form in front of goal and kicked an absolute ripper over the shoulder. We all missed his celebrations though as all eyes turned to Katie who signalled us yes, finally, that she’d seen that goal and as we turned back to see Haysies celebrations we all realised, frustratingly, that we’d missed most of them.

Perhaps the games highlight came in this quarter though. It wasn’t the amazing goals of Hayse and the increasingly Dangerous Dave Allen, it wasn’t the attempted hanger by Al that saw him get half way up Joes ankle and come crashing, comically one may say, to the turf flat on his back, no the real highlight was the up til not now not mentioned Brian Hoyt. Needing 6 majors to win the MacGlashan medal, our Brian hadn’t had a touch thus far but finally he gathered and kicked towards goal from about 50 out. The goal square was vacant and the umpire was already signalling a goal but enter journey man Bradice, who did the even more famous Burgmann (there’s that name again) move and took the mark on the goal line to deny Bozo the goal and bring the crowd and players into raptures as Hoyt crashed to the ground in tears. For the Tigers, and the record, Bradice did kick the goal, his first kick for the game also. At the orange break, Lincoln Park had the game in the bag, 11.10: 76 to 4.4: 28 and it was now how far and how long could the Piranhas keep Dave Worniak from cracking the famous Miller Lites.

The Tigers ran the game out but where totally overwhelmed. Isadore put a crushing tackle on Hoyt that he will feel for the next few days which pleased everyone. Oscar kicked another as did Bradice for the Tigers but at the other end, it was curry time as Piranhas ran amok. Dave Allen showed that he was a dangerous player by kicking his 6th. Dougie Fresh added another and Haysie got another pearla that was, sadly, missed by the wife who was now more interested in watching Vanessa trying to corral Oscie who had taken an interest in golf and was now humping a nice Hispanic mans golf buggy on the 4th hole at the Marovitz Golf Course, much to the chagrin of his playing partners.

Roofy, ignoring pleas from his wife to “come pry your bloody dog off this poor mans buggy”, kicked his 4th and the rout was complete when a sober Dave Worniak, ignoring the game and on his way to grab a Miller Lite, stumbled over the ball as it lay motionless in the goal square thus soccering in the final major of the game. The final whistle of the season, blown by umpire K.O.G.S, sounded the start of wild celebrations across north Chicago as the once embarassing Piranhas stormed to their first flag. MacGlashan, the man behind the scandalous recruiting at the start of the season, proclaimed proudly ” It was all me you Ku#nts. I took this team and made it what it is, you all owe me beer”. As the Piranhas threw Worniak and Katies empties at him, DK took hold of the cup, wrestled it from the amorous clutches of Oscie and rose it aloft, signalling the season of the Piranha.