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CHICAGO, IL- The headlines in both the Sun Times and the Trib said it all after the big Milwaukee beat down by United “Hayes… O-U-T… O-M-G”. The little champion sustained a broken finger and will (hopefully) miss this massive game against the cellar dwelling Rhinoceros’. He is the biggest name from a long list of players out injured or sucking up to their girlfriends and driving 6 hours to spend some time with her parents in Columbus (no names mentioned here as we have to keep it a secret from Rocky in case he decides to tag along and claim his old pal back). While the Piranhas will be missing Hayse, the Rhinos go in without Forte and Eli Rosen (both forever, tempted by the naked Germans that hang out in all those lovely parks in Berlin), John Scher who has lost his backbone, Tobias Allen (apparently Braz did catch him!!!) and finally Jeremy Morgan but who really cares? The Rhinos have the Kid and he hasn’t been seen for awhile. Rumors abound of a former 400 pounder pounding the southside pavements and it is not Bobby Jenks. Apparently the kid has dropped a lazy 50 lbs and is again beating Oscar in sprints and he will lead a hungry Rhino outfit into battle against the highly fancied Piranhas.

MacGlashan is coming off his best game in nigh on 3 years with his best on ground performance for the Old Guns in the old boys clash over the weekend. Ehlers looked good, if horribly, horribly slow and Betty Palmer will be looking to bust a few heads. Roofy hopefully, wont play but you never know with him do ya? MacGlashan and Hayse have offered a limousine and baby sitter on top of his already hefty salary but this still might not be ebough to tempt him into playing on a rock hard ground in 90 degree temps.

This game has all the hallmarks of an upset. The Piranhas have the experience, the height, the Paddys and one Nolan McKeegan but without Hayse, they could be the proverbial ship without a rudder. The Rhinos have…., well, given more time I am sure to think of something… got it… the better looking outfits! The Rhinos have a surprise, an ace up the sleeve, a dum- de- dum… a ringer! Not gonna say much more apart from the lad is from Maryknoll, a beautiful town of 23 people, 300, 000 sheep and 500, 000 cows and triple that in Kangaroos. A statue of our lady greets weary visitors who curse the dirt road that takes you up to Maryknoll so you know it is a lovely spot….. forgot to mention the 9999999999999999, 99999999999, 99999999999913 bloody Mozzies that inhabit the area too. Anyway, I have a ringer… or do I? Is this mrely a ruse to get MacGlashan worried? Unless its Chris Judd or Matty Richardson himself, how can one man even help the Rhinos. Lets see……… Gore Gore Gore!

Piranhas by 10 goals

DETAILS:
WHERE: Waveland Park, Waveland and LSD
WHEN: Fri, July 16th at 6pm
WHO: LP Piranhas v WV Rhinos
WHAT ELSE: Tigers to supply umps and hopefully lots of beer coz its gonna be hotter than Rockys arse after a night in the slammer with his old mate ‘Bubba’… Al told me mate, tough break. Here you are still friends on facebook though? That’s nice.
BIG MATCH UPS: Ward v Disco, Drake v Ehlers, Blundell v Palmer
WHO TO WATCH: LP: Ward, Fresh, McKeegan
WV: Hattery, Stenger and Blundell… the form player in the competition

CHICAGO, IL- The real men of Chicago are back, bigger (literally with regards to a few), not so much better but as cunning as old foxxes to take on the new guns of Chicago football in what is always (well, we’ve only done it one other time… I kicked 6 on Brazendale just quietly!) a great day on the Chicago footy calendar.

In a contest where bullshit will be the ultimate winner, its hard to see a bunch of young wannabes make any dent against the talent pooled against them. The mere mention of some of these names is enough to have a Kangaroo or Bomber or even a random Blue boy running for the hills. Brazendale, Kastilahn, Bacon, Latessa, Berry, Callachor, Masters, Morgan(s), Ehlers, Donuts, Miller, Gambaro, and perhaps the best of the bunch, Drake and MacGlashan all are out and out champions having represented the best of Chicago Football for a combined 350 years (Al makes up 75 of them himself). Are the legs there though and who the hell is picking up Billy and Haysie because it certainly wont be this little black duck!

The young guns have a pitifully weak line up that wouldn’t scare a bunny rabbit. They are coming off a demolition by the all star old boys 2 years ago (3 points if I remember rightly?) and it looks like Holmberg is missing which will leave a few doors open for the pups. But as they say in Milwaukee, if Brazendale is in the team, lets just give up and not even try as its like pinning diarhoea to the wall… truthfully, they say that up there…. Milwaukee are always talking shit.. get it? I am on fire today.

Anyway, back to the footy….. the only thing longer than the nose and ear hairs on a few of the legends will be the stories of the goals once kicked and grabs once taken. For the record, Callachor has never kicked a 70 m goal to beat Carlton (that was Blighty) and Bacon has never sat on Kelvin Moores head to take a hanger… but it may have happened, who knows. Shit this Corona is going down well.

Where’s Basher? What about Spider? Who the hell is Poncho playing for? Is Burgmann threatening to turn up for this? Braz, you’re coaching mate…. best of luck trying to keep Jules away from the goals.

I don’t even want to talk abou the young’uns, they’ve got nothing to talk about… except Billy and Jase Wilhelm, now there’s two good looking chaps… strewth, that 8th Corona went down way to quick.

DETAILS:

WHO: Chicago Old Boys v Chicago Wannabes
WHEN: Saturday, July 10th at 3pm sharp
WHERE: Waveland Fields, CNR LSD and Waveland Aves
ANYTHING ELSE? Turn up, you’ll get a game. This is a fundraiser for our old mate Rich Noty’s Leukemia Fund so ddig deep and help support our club and the wonderful strides being made in this field that has had such a profound effect on our beloved club.
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
Old Boys: MacGlashan (Gun forward, massive grab), Brazendale (speed to burn), Pace McCormick (watch carefully as he’ll be injured by 1/4 time), Latessa (more skills than one man deserves… be done by 1/4 of the way through the first 1/4 though).
Young’uns: No one, weak as buggery

The Chicago United will make the lovely trip up 94 north to the green pastures of Brown Deer Park which plays home to the Milwaukee Bombers. A recent change in game time tip off this Saturday at 11am will allow both teams to support the US Soccer Team in their face off against Ghana at 1PM. AJ Bombers, the Milwaukee Bombers sponsor pub, will play host to the rowdy and battered bunch.

The Milwaukee Bombers and Chicago United matchup is one of USAFL’s longest and most heated rivalries. The expectations for both parties are high with the men of the United looking to keep the MAAFL crown and the ‘Bomb-Squad’ looking to regain their former glory of years before.

After trips to Columbus and Denver have stretch the United roster thin, Coach Hendrie is extremely confident in the full cast of characters he plans to put on the pitch come tomorrow morning. Many of the lads have made their way back from South Africa and perhaps even sobered up. Oscar Meyer has been seen leaving Heathrow Airport with a Carlsberg in hand. Not to worry, his last Metro match proved his stench can often play to full forward’s advantage.

Many of the new rookies have moved beyond the first year jitters and bring a new level of fitness and speed to the club. Jason “Buddy Holly” Wilhelm will be back in the ruck which should allow new boys Pedro and Jayson to run wild right from the whistle. Brandon Harper has proven to make people miss and will provide ample support in midfield and forward lines. Newbie Patrick McHale will hold ground in the back and possesses great tackling abilities and vision to move the ball quickly out of the back.

Let’s not forget the vets. Eons of experience will be making the trip and Chicago will have a full squad running like crazy. Matty L, Toby, and IrishAmerican Graham Cracker will patrol the midfield with support from the outside gazelles in Billy The Nut and Hazey. Getting the ball outside and down the flanks using these speedy midfielders will prove to be asset at the big Brown Deer Park pitch.

Big Rohan Ward will be launching the aerial assault on the Bomber squad. And with Big Roofs proud parents making the trip from Oz, he’ll be itching for a bag-o-goals. Needless to say Roofy often gets doubled-up so support from Oscar Meyer will be crucial. Still unknown is one Brian Hoyt. United last match up against Cincy saw the leader of the epic “Sweet Package” band with two left hands – more like stumps or nubbins’. It was even seen post-game when Hoyty let several cold beers slip through his fingers. However, the always extroverted and confident Brian will be sure to make a needed impact against a staunched Milwaukee defense.

Milwaukee has their gunners too. Aussie Nathan Coad has bagged his share of goals for the Bombers. Corey Malchow has effectively controlled the midfield for Milwaukee this year showing skill and athleticism resulting in several BOGs. Rookie Ferrari has also shown footy is the game for him utilizing a big leg and great vision.

However, they will all have to come through the MAAFL’s most feared defense captained by President Frank Bradley. Even though Frank is well past his prime and lacks any real game with the ladies off the field, he continues to be a force and the anchor in the United defense. In support will be the confident BJ Gambaro who is not to be underestimated. His skill and poise in the back is often the catalyst behind many great United runs. Fitzgerald will look to get the ball outside and up to the big lads up top, while Betty Palmer will lurk in the shadows hoping to plant a big hit on any Bombers crossing his path.

Ball up at 11AM. Hope to see many United Fans in support of this great game and great team.

CHICAGO, IL- The Cincinnati Dockers, the nations oldest Australian Football team, head up the I65 this weekend to take on one of the nations best in the Chicago United who are running hot after a tough opener against the Jackaroos of Columbus two weeks ago. In what was the perfect preparation for the long MAAFL season, the United stormed to victory in the last quarter against a vastly improved and energetic Jacks team bragging big guns in Chet Ridenour, Evan Gardiner, John Fisher and the little pop gun in Scoota Matheson who all took it up to their highly fancied opponents.

The Dockers on the other hand are still picking leather out of their behinds after Luke Nemeth and co treated them like a red headed step child when Nashville visited for the John Harrell Memorial cup but the boys in the pretty red, white, purple and green strips held their own against little Scoota and co so this game can not be taken lightly by Hendrie and his Chicago charges who look to dominate the competition and serve notice to their old foes in the music city.

The purple people eaters are the reigning Divvy 4 champions and are looking to build on that success with a good showing against the United who have become the measuring stick in the MAAFL. Past games have been spirited to say the least and this one should be no exception though there hasn’t been a team in a bloody long time come in and beat Chicago in Chicago (New York I think??? Or was it the Gambaro/ Carroll led Blues of St Louis in 2004?) so it’s hard to see how the Docks can win this one but footy is a funny game indeed. A run through the Chicago line up presents Hendrie, Hayse and the other selectors with a wonderful problem that other teams in the US would love to have, an abundance of players that have stepped up in terms of personal commitment and fitness. Hendrie has not skipped a beat after taking over the United reins and the Chicago engine is revving like Ponchos vesper as it zooms up and down Halsted. Hendrie will, however, have the unenviable task of telling stalwarts and new guns alike that they’ve missed the opportunity to play in front of what will be a huge crowd this Saturday. On the small expanse of Waveland Fields, Hendrie will look for plenty of pace from the likes of Hayse, Uhlmann, Dhoory and Brennan who have all been on fire thus far. Dhoory, Brennan and Uhlmann in particular are all class and make up one of the best midfields this side of Punt Rd. The flying peanut, in this scribes opinion, maybe more valuable to this team than the big man in Roofy and his play around the ground will present the Dockers with a huge challenge in stopping him. The backline is just brutal with Gambaro and co ready to have their way with the Docker forwards. Key to this game will be the amount of room Hendrie and Chicago can generate for Roofy to operate in and how good the delivery is to the great man. With his stunning bride in attendance, Roofy will be looking for a bag to go with the 20 odd grabs Hendrie is hoping for from the Matty Richardson like champion.

This should be a great game for a half but the as Hendrie points out, the big men don’t get any smaller and the Chicago skyscrapers will be too big and strong for the Dockers big men who look to have their work cut out for them. Look for another massive game from Jason Wilhelm who has been a sensation this season. The boys love his effort and raw ability, the girls love everything else about him and those roving him are licking their lips at the prospect of ball on tit all day. Oscar, Hoyt, McKeegan and the faltering Chicago forwards should have a break out day on their own dung heap as goals and lots of them become the order of the day.

Chicago to run away with this after half time by a lazy 8 goals. Post match function will be at Brownstone Tavern and all are expected to attend. Bring as many people as you can to both the game and after party as this game will demonstrate the best Chicago footy has to offer. Should be a great day weather wise so if an umpire seems slightly intoxicated, that may very well be the case!

The Chicago United Football Club ventured into unchartered waters yesterday with a hard fought away win yesterday against the Columbus Jackaroos in Columbus, OH. A game played in the true spirit of the game and what was also pleasing from a coaches point of view was the overall umpiring effort, well done to the umps.

A relatively new look United team had 10 guys making their debut. Jason W., Pedro, Brandon, Tyler H, Tank, Simon, Ben, Jack and the twins Jason & Nolan played like rockstars in their first game. Pedro added a lot of bite in the forward line and applied fantastic defensive pressure, he also managed a great snap for goal and helped create others.

We knew that we were going to come up against a home side that has improved and will be a tough side to beat come Nationals time in October. They really held sway for the first three quarters and if it only had been a pinch of luck going their way the deficit at three quarter time might have been more than 2 points.

Effectively this enabled United a sniff. And in the end the talls don’t get any smaller in tough battles and it was the likes of Roofy, Crackers and the irrepressible Haysey who continued to marshall the troops and get us over the line by 20 points.
The mug award went to Big Jason, a revelation this year in the ruck. I have no doubt in my mind that in the next year or so that you will see him in a Revo jumper. All in all, everyone had their job to do and one that resulted in a very satisfying win. One that was savored throughout the night!

Our focus now turns to Milwaukee in a couple of weeks at home. Let’s get out on the track and get ready to take it up to the Milwaukee team that has not beaten us for a couple of years. Remember lads this is only the first win for the year there is a long road ahead of us.

Chicago, IL- A new coach, a sleu of new talent and a renewed desire to hit the 4-peat drives Chicago United down the I 65 in their season opener against the little big man in Scott Matheson and his Jackaroos, the surprise packet of 2009.

The Jacks brought a strong team to Chicago in 09 where after hanging on for a half, they were eventually worn down with the experience, size and skill that oozes from this Chicago team. But the Jacks have a year of playing with the big boys in the MAAFL under them and according to Matheson a strong recruiting class that is ready and raring to take on the best in the Midwest. The little mans size is belied by the size of his mouth but everyone is expecting a cracker of a game this saturday at Tuttle Field with no favors asked, nor given.

Columbus come into the game on the heels of a good old fashoined schellacking by the Nashville Kangas who it seems have not forgotten nor forgiven the Jacks for their upset against them last season. One can only imagine the ‘Roo boys winter long frustrations simmering and churning in their bellys after the shenanigans pulled by a certain team positioned slightly north of Chicago in the Nationals (would love to be at that game when those two meet again!). But I digress. Columbus have a healthy metro comp brewing (even a girls team… which apparently Matheson is allowed to play in as well!!! I heard that from Chet if anyone talks to the little man!) and are looking to this game as a baromteter on how far they have come in their short life.

On the other side of the football is the might of the Chicago United Football Club. Hendrie leads a strong side into the wilds of Ohio with a team that has its eyes set on the 4 peat and cracking the Nationals hoodoo that plagues this team. Led by Rohan Ward, the United bring with them new guns Stenger, Wilhelm, Hattery, Jiminez, Harper and Nate Ward, all of whom have shown plenty in early metro rounds. Look for Wilhelm to play a particularly big role in this game as he will definitely be the best looking chap out there if not the biggest bastard as well. His first up effort against the Rhinos had Drake and Bradley comparing him to a young Drew Wolfe.

This team will, however, be missing big guns in Leibowitz, MacGlashan, Allen, Drake, Forte and the brothers Dhoory but there should be enough talent in there to win this. Uhlmann is one of the best American footballers to ever play in Chicago (or the US for that matter) and he’ll be alongside arguably the best player in the entire competition in BJ Gambaro who, like a bottle of fine wine, just gets better and better. David Fitzgerald, Frank Bradley and Brain Hoyt complete this murderers row of backmen that will be harder for the Jackaroos to penetrate than a cheapskate on Michigan Ave in December.

The on ball brigade will feature the aforementioned Wilhelm (so expect a large female crowd to be in attendance… Hoyt, eyes on the ball son!) who will be feeding Hayse, Brennan, Blundell, Rocky Deehan (if allowed back into Ohio of course) and 5 fingers Betty Palmer with better quality balls than Secretariat ever had. Look for Hayse to dominate as he loves the open expanses and the lad looks fitter than Miranda Kerr right now it must be said.

The only weakness this team may have is the forward line although any line that boasts big Roofy can’t be too bloody bad can it? McKeegan will always be good for 3 or 4 too.. the little bastard. The Jackaroos had quite the answer for Roofy last time (he still kicked a lazy 6 though) but Chet and the boys must remember Oscar and the OBK will need some close checking too.

All up, a great way to start the season with a hard trip to Columbus. I’m picking the United by 5 goals in a close one. I’m also picking Rocky Deehan to be a tad quieter which will leave a vacuum of sorts that needs to be filled. Will Hoyt step up or is he really off the beer? Is it time for Betty Palmer to put his hand up for the Runaway train award that seemed to be his last year before Rockys Ohio shenanigans? Maybe one of the new lads? Hattery is a good Kansas boy and they are drunk all the time down there, just look at the Royals! My pick thoough is Sam Blundell. He has the eye of the tiger on him that boy and hates a beer. With Rocky and Betty egging him on, I predict big things from the Rhino speedster, maybe not stolen mannequins across state lines big but I am picking he’ll at least come back a pound of two lighter then when he went.