News — rhinos

CHICAGO, IL- Led by the biggest heartbreaker of them all in Brian “I haven’t had a beer since April” Hoyt, the LS Tigers overcame an early 4 goal deficit to defeat the Rhinos by 4 lousy points in easily the best game of the year thus far.

In front of a huge crowd at the lakeshore, a virtually full strength Rhino outfit came out firing against a very cocky Tiger line up that was missing cult figure Frank Bradley and their talls in Trimberger and new gun Jason Wilhelm. With the aid of a 1 maybe 2 goal breeze that was blowing towards the city end, it was the Rhinos who pounced and finally showed some of the ability that is in this team but as of yet, had not been seen. Drake had challenged several of his runners, in particular Ambrosino, Blundell and Borchardt all of who had barely tasted the leather in the first rounds and it was they that answered in kind, all playing rippers of games. Borchardt and Blundell across half back and Ambrosino in the middle and providing plenty of spark up front. But it was the new Rhino in Ortiz that set the crowd and the scoreboard alight with a lovely mark and goal early. Soon after it was McClamroch who banged one home after some lovely roving with a classic opportunists goal.

The Rhinos continued to attack and the Bradely- less Tiger backline was straining as they were finally asked a few questions. Brennan threw himself into the backline to stem the flow but it was big Kia Forte who presented and took a lovely mark 40 metres out on a slight angle. The Rooster went back and drilled home the Rhinos third to send the crowd in a tizzy. All of a sudden the famous Brennan- Uhlmann- Leibowitz midfield was struggling for possessions as Allen, Deehan and Drake ran riot with big Davey Choi dominating the ruck duels. Ortiz capped off a fabulous opening term for both he and the Rhinos with a great diving mark in front of the bumper crowd which he duly slotted through to send the Rhinos into the first break leading 4.1: 25 to 0.3: 3. This, it should be noted, was the first quarter the Rhinos had won all season thus far!

The Tigers are a force and it is not through luck that they have dominated the competition in recent seasons and it was they, after a big dressing down from Brennan at quarter time, who came out humming like the proverbial hooker. Fish Dhoory, thus far kept very quiet by a close checking John Scher was able to find space and his first mark and first kick resulted in the first goal for the Tigers. With the midfield heating up as Leibowitz and Uhlmann in particular started to get a lot more of the ball, it wasn’t long until the game opened up and both teams started to play some beautiful, end to end football that is a tribute to both Hendries coaching and the effort by so many to get to training. With little manning up by both sides in the guts, players like Uhlmann, Leibowitz, Allen, Blundell and Deehan were getting tonnes of ball and more importantly, the use of that ball was pretty good. Dhoory was able to again mark and goal to cut the deficit in half but a telling mark and goal by Wolfe gave the Rhinos a bit more breathing space. Still, both sides continued to attack and Brennan and especially Hoyt started to wear down the Rhino forwards as Meyer, Fitz and Dhoory became much more active up front for the Tige’s. Fitz, on that magnificent left foot booted home a goal just before the half to bring up the Tigers third as they signalled their intentions for the rest of the game and send them into half time a mere 9 pts down with Wrigleyville leading 5.1: 31 to LS’s 3.4: 22

The old adage that the 3rd quarter is the premiership quarter where games are won and lost has never rang as loud as it did on Friday night. Although the game is played with 16 on the field and is indeed an ultimate example of a team sport, every team needs their superstars and this game will forever be remembered for the ultimate footprint left on it by one David Fitzgerald. Playing out of position on a half forward flank, the dashing mollyduker had basically been unsighted in the first half except for a lone goal and being caught numerous times holding the ball. His next 15 minutes were scintillating however and set the proverbial cat amongst those pigeons. With Jack Thompson all but shutting down Oscar Meyer and Disco Panek playing like one Frank Bradley and marking just about everything coming his way, the Tiger avenues to goal weren’t that apparent but Fitz, roving the pack and breaking a couple of tackles slammed on his second soon after Hayes strated the third stanza. Minutes later, it was he again who outwitted the Rhino defence and in similar fashion banged in his second for the term. When he again saluted the judge the Tigers had hit the front and momentum had completely swung.

Leibowitz and Uhlmann were running riot through the center as Rhino loaners Dallas Moreland and big Nate started to win the ruck duels as Choi battled through a leg injury. Forte, Wolfe and McClamroch, extremely dangerous up until now were stranded in the forward line without access to the pill and despite numerous moves by Drake, still the Tigers attacked. Finally Borchardt was able to goal for the Rhinos to wrest back control of the lead but seconds later and after some more great work by Fitz who by now had 2 Rhinos running with him, Fish Dhoory found space after a kick in mishap by the Rhinos and goaled to bring up his third for the arvo. After a stunning quarter of Tiger football, the Tigers lead by 9 pts but on the siren, a great passage of Rhino football found a strong leading Forte whose huge grab was rewarded with a magnificent kick and goal which cut the Tiger lead and ensured a massive last term. At the orange break the Tigers led 7.6: 48 to 7.1: 45.

Drake threw himself into the ruck, Forte into the middle with Allen, Deehan went on to Fitz and big, bad Wolfey into the goal square to get things moving with some early success. The Rhinos again wrested momentum from the Tigers as Vince Dhoory limped from the ground with an ankle to join Bradshaw as an observer. Repeated forays forward found a stout Tiger defence but a big grab by Wolfe set hearts racing but his shot from 15 out on a tight angle was a shocker and netted the single hand salute from Pat Hoyt. Still the Rhinos came and a long ball in from Ortiz was met by McClamroch who was having a great game. He marked in heavy traffic and inexplicably played on, Ambrosino like, to give his coach a near fatal heart attack but his wobbly punt sailed through to put the Rhinos back in the lead. The Rhinos seemed to have all the running now as Allen, Forte and Deehan threw everything they had at the ball and Thompson, Dorsett, Blundell, Borchardt and Scher gave everything in defence to constantly thwart Tiger advances. Leibowitz and Uhlmann were working tirelessly for the Tigers and big games out of their imports in Dallas, Jeff, Nate (Rhinos) and Pedro (Piranha) were helping. Pat McHale was playing a ripper for them across half back as was Hoyt, Nolan and Art Ortiz. When Ortiz reeled in his 12th mark for the game and handballed to a dashing Forte, the Rhinos looked winners and his long bomb in was again coralled by little McClamroch who had been splendid until now. The little man from Cinci again played on but this shot, much easier than the first, sailed wide and left the door slightly ajar for the Tigers who were having trouble getting through the Rhino defence.

Players all over the field were tiring and when Thompson again spoiled Meyer, it was his dash and handball that sent Drake clear down the wing. Drake found a dashing Toby Allen and all Rhinos pushed forward as they sniffed another goal. A HUGE holding the ball decision against Allen though had the Rhinos and their fans baying for Hayse blood and the Tigers, on the rebound through Leibowitz (I’m getting tired of typing that name… lets call him Matt from now on) found an out of position Thompson ahead of him and a lone Warrick Capper look alike in Oscar Meyer. Meyers mark and goal from 30 in front shot the Tigers back in front with mere seconds left. From the ball up, Matt read the Drake tap and shot the Tigers forward where the game was blown dead by the umpire Hayse to leave 40 exhausted men lying around in front of a crowd of 50 who had not let their eyes wander for a second despite the talent parading along the walkway.

In a game for the ages, the Tigers snatched an unlikely victory to further distance themselves from the pack on the Metro ladder. They will look at this game as a scare to their air of invincibility though and look to Bradley to shore up the defence once again in June when they are due to face Roofy and the Piranhas. As they sweat on Crabs Dhoory’s injury, they will be ecstatic with the efforts of Matt and Billy who were the keys to this victory and with the brilliance of Fitz and Fish up forward, they had just enough in the tank to pull this out. Hoyt and Brennan were solid in defence and some telling spoils by Hoyt on Drake and Dallas Moreland on Forte late in the game showed the value of those one percenters.

The Rhinos however, will rue this one for a long time. For three quarters they were clearly the better team but some absolute clangers in front of goal and some mistakes around the ground left them on their knees in front of the machine that is the LS Tigers. This game could be a turning point for the Rhinos this season though as they got big games out of Gordo, McClamroch, Borchardt and Blundell. Thompson was magnificent on Oscar and the emergence of Ortiz as a legitimate forward was great for all to see, particularly a smiling Hendrie. Panek looks like he is back to his old self and Toby Allen showed the United selectors that he is all class. Choi was excellent until the corky slowed him down and Jeremy Morgan, playing back in defence, showed some of his best form for nigh on three years. Moreland and Creely, the latest Rhino recruits, were both fantastic in their first games but when that game was for the opposition it is hard to crow about it! Both are former American footballers and their athleticism is stuff for the record books and if they can get to training and become a part of this football code, United and the Rhinos will be the better for it.

BURGMANN AWARD:
3- Fitzgerald (LS) 3- Allen (WV)
2- Allen (WV) 2- Fitzgerald (LS)
1- Ortiz (WV) 1- Hoyt (LS)

REPORTS:
Drake (WV) for Rough Conduct in messing up Oscars hair. When asked for a please explain after the game, Drake was quoted as saying “Oscar has never put his head over the ball in 5 years here, the opportunity was too good to pass up”. A ‘groggy’ Meyer said he felt nothing and although waking up with a headache the following morning and a feeling of nausea, a big Irish breakfast and some B- B- B-Berroccas’ fixxed him up ok.

$20 Brownstone Award:
David Ortiz (WV)

CHICAGO, IL- The Rhinos are this weeks dish to be served up to the irresistable Tigers whose opening to the 2010 Metro season has been nothing short of barnstorming. With a line up that could beat most teams in the US, the Tigers look to be too big, too strong and too good for the young, inexperienced Rhinos.

It is hard to come up with the right adjectives to describe the Tigers and even harder to find weaknesses in this team that the Rhinos may look to exploit. Meyer leads a forward line that features the greatest of them all in Brian Hoyt as well as Chris Bradshaw, John Dhoory, Rory Junius and possibly even Warrick Burgmann. The midfield is as good as it gets. Led by Crackers Brennan and featuring Vince Dhoory, Trimberger, EP, new gun Jason Wilhelm and renaissance man Matt Leibowitz as well as the best of them all in Peanut Uhlmann, the Rhino mids are going to be well and truly up against it. In the off chance the Rhinos can get it over the center, they’ll meet Poncho, Schmelzer, McHale, Gunn, Fitzgerald, Grisoni and big Pace. All up, this is an all star team that is, more worryingly, playing like an all star team and Francis Bradley likes nothing more to down a few beers after feasting on Rhino steaks.

As the lead up to the game continues, Bradley was asked about his highly fancied team and had this to say, “We are the best by a mile and complacency will be our only challenge to overcome. The Rhinos are down but are cunning. Drake will cheat, use slight of hand, bend rules and use all that experience to get a win but at the end of the day, they have to kick goals and they aren’t doing it on my watch. I am gonna enjoy this 20 goal win as much as last years grand final”.

When told of Bradleys comments, Drake was upbeat and pointed to the vast improvement in the Rhino runners and said he has something in store for his president when the two lock horns friday night with both likely to line up on each other. The Rhinos will get Morgan and Deutz back to provide a bit more attack and with Ortiz playing well, the forward line looks like it might be settling again finally. The backline is strong without being fantastic thus far and Clarke, Scher, Dorsett, Hattery and Jackie Thompson must fire in support of stalwart Disco Panek who will likely get the job on the dangerous Bradshaw, EP, Trimberger of Wilhelm, whoever the Tigers elect to throw forward out of their impressive ruck lineup.

But the midfield is where it is always won and lost. Toby Allen and Rocky Deehan lead an engine room that got out of 1st gear against the Piranhas last week but this obstacle is much bigger than the Rhino V 8 will have to hum like a hooker. Choi in the ruck will have some big questions to answer this week and the Rhinos will need a lot out of Borchardt, Blundell, Wolfe and whoever else Drake can throw at the Uhlmann- Brennan- Leibowitz triangle of magnificance.

This one is easier to pick than Brett Favre under pressure… Tigers by 8 goals, Meyer to kick a lazy 7, Hoyt 5.

WHO: LS V WV
WHEN: Friday, May 14th
WHERE: Waveland Park Fields, CNR Waveland and LSD
WHAT ELSE: Piranhas to supply umpires and heckling.
KEY MATCH UPS: Bradley v Drake, Scher v Meyer, Hattery V Hoyt, Leibowitz v Allen
KEYS TO THE GAME:
RHINOS: Stopping the Tiger runners and breaking the ‘Bradley Wall’ that surrounds the Tiger defence.
TIGERS: Their forwards being able to break the shackles of a quality backline that has the ability to shut down any team on its day. Much will depend on Hoyt as he is the star of this team along with Uhlmann and Brennan.

CHICAGO, IL- Footy is back bigger and better than ever in Chicago and this week will see the might of the Wrigleyville Rhinos take on the new look Piranhas of Lincoln Park. Both teams were soundly beaten by the flag favorite Tigers so this game is shaping up as a test of wills to see who can hold a flame to last years premier.

The Rhinos were left shellshocked after the first game of the year with Tigers running rampant through the middle and carving up their forwards with ease. Forte was one of very few that could hold his head up after the first weeks debacle but he is looking forward to this weeks game against those rascally Amazonian fish. “Mayyyte, was a shocker for sure. I got a bit of the ball but there was no bastard to kick it to. The new boys started to get a grip on the game late which showed on the board as we were able to stop the bastards a bit but strewth mate, we need to pull the proverbial finger out this week and notch win numero uno”. When asked about the array of Rhino talent coming through, Forte said “look out for Choi, Ortiz and in particular Deutz who had a great game first up. Hostetler is a lot better for the run and we are expecting a lot more from on ballers Ambrosino, Borchardt, Drake and Wolfe. Kremers looked like he has a bit of toe in him and with Blundell coming back, the Rhinos should make a better account of themselves. The backs will need to be at their best with Disco likely to get the job on big, bad Roofy Ward. I like the look of Scher, Kansas and Dorsett as well and here’s hoping Clarke and Thompson turn up to give us the muscle we need back there”.

Hayse was a bitterly disappointed man after the loss two weeks ago but remains confident his charges will be dining on Rhino steaks by 7.30 pm friday night. Ward is the key and his battle with Panek will go a long way to decide the winner of this game. Also, as Hayse points out, the Paddy-wagon is starting to hum and the Irish legions are expected to come out harder than Haysey after a Liverpool win. With no write up from the LS v LP game (Al, Hendrie?) it’s hard to bullshit with my usual flair but we’ll have a crack (giggity) anyway. By all accounts, the Piranhas were mere spectators to the Tiger steamroller but they did manage a better effort than the Rhinos against the leagues best which leads this scribe to pick the little fishies to win by 3 goals in a game that will be tough as nails and most likely very low scoring.

The Piranhas have numerous avenues to goal in Ward, CAFA/ World/ Universal legend Al MacGlashan and even Hayse himself who loves to take the odd ping at the big ones when on a dash down the outer wing. McKeegan is a goal sneak and is a very hard man to keep tabs on so look for him to be busy in and under and Hayse also thinks Ehlers maybe a viable option up front. Before you laugh, the big man has kicked bags in the past and all he needs is it to be dry and warm and MacGlashan to hit him on the tit and he will be away and running. Down back, the great BJ Gambaro holds court like a better looking, more handsome Frank Bradley. Arguably the best player on the United list, Gambaro will be the great wall of China, and the Rhinos a mere Mongolian horde looking up at him with awe. With Betty Palmer in some terrific shape and with the prospect of Kastilahn, Fresh and the Cisco kid backing him up, this defence looks way to strong for a Rhino outfit that barely got a kick. The OBK, Drake, Morgan and Ambrosino may as well have not been there three weeks ago and their return of 2 kicks and 1 handball between them was abyssmal. Look for some wholesale changes in the Rhino make up as they look to add some oomph into this line up. This is shaping up as ‘the weekend of Hayse’ as he looks to beat Drake friday night and then again in the big Chelsea v Liverpool clash Saturday morning. If it goes Hayse’s way, look for a very sore Mrs Hayse sunday morning.

Piranhas by 3 goals.

WHO: Lincoln Park Piranhas (0-1) v Wrigleyville Rhinos (0-1)
WHEN: Friday, April 30th at 6pm. Players are asked to arrive at 5pm.
WHERE: Waveland Ballpark, CNR LSD and Waveland
WHAT ELSE: Tigers to provide umpires and hecklers…. and beer (rumours abound of Dave Worniak and his old man coming to this game!!!)
ODDS: LP 3-1, WV 5-1. MacGlashan to do hammy 2-1. Rohan Ward to kick 10, 5-1, Nate Ward to kick 10, 5000-1 (prove me wrong mate… please prove me wrong!)
MATCH UPS TO WATCH: Panek v Ward, Scher v McKeegan, Elmore v Wolfe, Forte v MacGlashan, OBK v the 23 McDonalds he passes on his way to the ground, Hayse v Blundell, Hattery v Ehlers and Everyone affiliated with the CAFA v Rocky Deehan after he changed his relationship status on facebook to ensure the world knew of his new love.. “in a relationship with Laura Farmer” from “in a relationship with my right hand”… I’m fair dinkum…this is the same guy that stole a life sized mannequin and crossed state lines with it and numerous other contraband after testing Newtons third law with the aid of a fire extinguisher in the hotels hallways (and my bedroom, but that’s a story for another time). If you are on facebook, check out all the comments that have come since this disturbing announcement. Hoyts comment maybe the best. MacGlashan could only shake his head. I for one think there should be a new award at the end of the season to commemorate this wonderfully gay announcement. .. ‘The Runaway Love Train”… Catchy?

CHICAGO, IL- In magnificent conditions for the start of another year of Chicago Football, the Tigers of Lincoln Square roared loudly to serve notice to the competition that there will be no premiership hangover this season.

Led by a sensational midfield, the Tigers were too quick, too skillful and too good for a Rhino team that will relish the run if not the result. Straight out of the blocks the Tigers looked the better team and although both teams were rusty to say the least, it was the Tigers who overcame the early season start to eventually run out convincing 42 point winners.

From the jump, the Tiger runners, in particular Crabs Doorhy, the flying peanut in Uhlmann and Crackers Brennan were getting a tonne of it and were going to be hard for the Rhinos to control. With what amounted to constant delivery for their forwards, it wasn’t long until the Warrick Capper look alike in Oscar Meyer brought up his first for the season which was followed by his second not long after and signs were ominous for the Rhino army. When Fish Doorhy finished up some lovely work in the center, the Rhinos were in disarray as they were being soundly beaten all over the ground and despite kicking with the aid of what little wind there was, they weren’t able to trouble the scorers save for two minors late in the quarter. At the first break, the Tigers had shot out to a 3.2: 20 to 0.2: 2 lead and Drake and his Rhinos had their work cut out for them.

In the second, the same held true as Brennan, Uhlmann, the brothers Doorhy, the Big Leibowitz and Fitzgerald ran riot. Getting great service from new ruckman Wilhelm, the Tiger runners were all over the shop and linking up well to create some great passages of play that had the Rhino mids in a tizzy and completely bamboozling the Rhino backs. Meyer was able to kick another and when even Brain Hoyt popped up to kick truly the Rhinos knew they were in serious trouble. El Presidente’ Ponch-arelli was holding down the Rhino forwards and try as they might, nothing was going right for the Rhinos who could not muster a productive player for the entire game. New Tigers Schmelzer, Wilhelm, Harper and McHale were having a ball as it all looked too easy for the Tigers while on the other side of the ball, Rhino guns Ambrosino, Wolfe, Drake, Deehan and Forte could only get kicks in the arse. At the long break and in already fading light, Meyer led his Tigers into a 5.3: 33 to 0.2: 2 lead that, given the current state of Rhino play, was tantamount to insurmountable.

The Rhino hierachy appealed for more effort and moves were thrown everywhere and indeed the Rhino came out stronger in an effort to make a game of it. Forte started to have an effect and when Borchardt went on to Crabs to quieten him down it was the Rhinos time to put together some nice passages of play, one of which led to an Eli Rosen mark and goal to set the Rhino scoreboard ticking over. The Rhinos continued to attack but Poncho, Bradshaw and the other Tiger backs continued to treat their Rhino counterparts with little more than disdain and after Crabs pulled one out of his arse to put the Tigers further in front, the game was basically over and one could see some fat chick in the distant warming up the old tonsils. Crabs again was the difference maker and he was able to snag his third in a best on ground performance that sent the Tigers into the orange break 7.8: 50 to 1.3: 9 up.

To their credit, the Rhinos fought out the last quarter in terrific fashion but could not make a dent on the scoreboard. The Tiger runners had run themselves into the ground and with Rhinos being more prepared to run, the game became a battle of the defences as neither team could muster a straight kick meaning the Tigers recorded win number 1 by a 42 point margin.
The Tigers had winners all over the ground but it was their on ballers that provided the spark. Brennan, the Doorhy’s, Uhlmann, Wilhelm and Fitzgerald were all splendid and one could see a smiling Anthony Hendrie running around revelling in his United charges great early form.

The Rhino defence, under the pump all day, tried hard but looked uncoordinated and lacked any real polish giving the Tiger forwards all the ball they wanted. The Tiger backs were suffocating and provided the perfect springboard for their onballers to dominate, even in the tight confines of the Marowitz Chicago Ground (MCG). For the Rhinos though, a chance to go away and lick their wounds. Their onballers in Deehan, Wolfe, Ambrosino and Borchardt were unsighted and had little effect on the game. Their forwards in Morgan, Drake, OBK and Ward were shut down completely and their backs in Scher, Hattery, Dorsett, Forte, Clarke and Panek were completely outgunned and overwhelmed with constant Tiger pressure. The Rhino lacked fitness and their skills were abyssmal when under pressure. Of the new Rhino players, David Deutz put his hand up as a forward, Kremers battled hard and Choi, Ortiz and Hostettler showed enough to warrant some faith from the Rhino fans.

But the day belonged to the Tigers and Meyer who, after the game had this to say to the press; “Mustard? Who the hell is he? I should’ve taken over this mob last year mate and no bastard would’ve come with in Koo-ee of us. Fair dinkum, the form of Leibowitz, Brennan and the Doorhys was great and the main thing is, the bastards listened to me! I told everyone early on, if you have the bastard, kick it to me. Don’t worry about Hoyt, don’t worry about Bradshaw, just get the pill and kick it to the good looking blonde bloke and he’ll take care of the rest. 3 goals later and a huge win behind us and I reckon it were a stroke of bloody genius mate. And mark my words, we will get better. We have EP, Trimberger, Gryznys- Grysbfksi- Grizzily Adams- whatever Tommys last name is and Junius to come back into this team. Today was just us baiting the hook as we go Pirnaha fishing next week”.

Drake on the other hand, slinked away from the game half way through the last quarter to avoid both Hoyt and the waiting press but was seen kicking a raccoon and running over an innocent cyclist as he gave the Tiger bench the bird. Tracked down at the Brownstone later on he had this to say “We’re pharked mate. Didn’t see one good thing to come out of that other than Hoyt hitting the post”.

BURGMANN AWARD VOTES:
3- M. Leibowitz 3- V. Doorhy
2- V. Doorhy 2- G. Brennan
1- J. Doorhy 1- M. Leibowitz

$20 BROWNSTONE AWARD:
Split between Crabs Doorhy and Crackers Brennan

Chicago, IL- This Friday night sees the welcome return to Chicago of top flight Australian Football as the might of the Lincoln Square Tigers takes on the upstart Rhinos of Wrigleyville in what should be a cracker of a game that has been 6 months in the making following the devastation of the 09 Nationals.

Ably lead by the great Francis Bradley, the Tigers have been the dominant recruiting team in the offseason with no less than 8 new players ready to make their mark in the Australian Football sporting world (and rumors abound of former Shark legend Jeffrey Dreher making a comeback!!). With names that read like a whose who of Chicago football, the Tigers have shot out to early flag favoritism and a quick glance at the Vegas odd makers show them 5/4 on to repeat with the Rhinos coming in second at the handsome odds of 4-1. The Piranhas with a lacklustre recruiting class are a mere 231- 1 to take it all (but like a pub with free beer, the Irish are flooding into the Lincoln Park team (now to be known as the O’Piranha’s or Paddy-ranhas) so look for a huge improvement from them.

The Tigers boast an awesome defence and midfield. Bradley, Fitzgerald, Grisoni, Hoyt and Trimberger are set to take aim at the Rhino forwards (DeJong is a huge loss however) while their midfield is nothing short of sensational with names like the brothers Doorhy, EP, Uhlmann, Tommy Gunn, Brennan and journeyman Leibowitz all looking to rack up big numbers in the possessions department. The forward line, long a burden to the Tiger faithful, has come along nicely this off-season. Look for Meyer and Bradshaw to have big games while much can also be expected of Ortiz, Junius (if sober) and of course club legend Warrick Burgmann (if he plays… absolutely nothing is ever guaranteed with the big man). The Tige’s, unlike their professional counterparts in Australia, feature a bevvy of quality new recruits and the coaching staff will have a field day trying to figure out best positions for all these boys. Harris, Jason, McHale, Harper, Allen, Wideman and Burds all look set to make their debuts this Friday night.

On the other side of the ball, ‘THE’ Outback Kid will lead his band of merry men into the game missing Blundell, Allen, Ambrosino and McClamroch. Big names such as Forte, Deehan and Wolfe must shine brighter than a Hoyt knob for the Rhino to scuttle these Tigers. The Rhino always gets great input from their lesser known players though so look for big games from the likes of Jackie Thompson, Jeff Borchardt, John Scher, Kansas Hattery, the 3 Tylers and little Eli Rosen who will probably get the big task of running with the flying Peanut in Billy Uhlmann. The defence is iffy without Clarke and their forwards will need to be on song to play against the infamous Tiger defense but an upset is not out of the question.

Fitness will be a huge determining factor in this game. All players are coming in underdone with the Chicago weather always being a factor. Lincoln Square will have the height and pace, the Rhinos will have the forward power and a huge chip on their shoulder. All in all though, a great game is expected on the shores of Lake Michigan this Friday night.

Details as follows;

WHO: Lincoln Square Tigers v Wrigleyville Rhinos
WHERE: Waveland Fields; CNR LSD and Waveland
WHEN: Friday the 9th of April
TIME: 6pm (sharp)

SMART MONEY: Tigers by 3 goals, 23 if Burgmann plays.

AFTER: Brownstone Tavern. This is an important function as we need as many people to attend to show our new sponsor that we are fair dinkum. We will take turns controlling Rocky after 10pm. NO BEEP TESTS TO BE RUN THIS EARLY IN THE SEASON BJ!

ALL PIRANHAS AND NEW PLAYERS: Each team must field at least 12 guys. We will endeavor to play 16 a side. If a team is short, Piranhas will fill in. Those picked will be 1st or 2nd year players only. Therefore, all Piranhas should turn up to the game with the following… Footy gear (no baseball cleats!!!), umpiring gear (experienced Piranhas… boundary and goal required.. Haysie will email you lot with more info), and beer (Worniak, don’t drink it all again).

NEW THIS YEAR: Burgmann award will run on the website and will combine metro and maafl. The metro Best and Fairest will be voted on by the umpires and votes will be sealed to be read out at our presentation night.

MacGlashan Medal is both MAAFL and Metro but you don’t get credit for goals kicked playing for an opposition team.

FINALLY: Get on facebook and check out the chicago footy site for all updated info on training, games, play ‘where’s Wazza’ and to upload any photos etc. Also, ensure you are logging into www.chicagofooty. com and paying your dues which need to be paid asap. Oscar has done a beaut job on the website and it needs to be seen to be believed. Check out the forum link to find out what the OBK is up to (or down to… lost another 3 lbs and now is 236lbs! Or was that 326? Dunno but we’ll see friday night!)

Chicago, IL- The barnstorming Tigers of Lincoln Square have won the 2009 Metro Grand Final after completely demoralizing an undermanned and completely shellshocked Rhino outfit that still can barely sit down due to the pain emanating from its hind quarters.

From the outset it was going to be a big ask of the Rhinos with Scher, Ambrosino, Kia Forte, Aussie Mike, Kansas Hattery, Bashford, Crash Borchardt and the OBK missing from the line up and a full strength Tiger outfit that was snarling from the outset.

With Big Al and Hendrie taking umpiring duties in front of a handy crowd on a lovely Chicago day, the ball was bounced and play got under way. The next 80 minutes were as scary for the Rhinos as any poacher hiding in a bush with a high powered rifle. The middle was where the Rhinos were going to have a chance with new ruckman Nick Redmond feeding Drake, Deehan and Herrmann. The plan was to take out Dhoory and Brennan and apply as much pressure to the tiger backs as possible. The plan failed.

The Tigers controlled the midfield, especially at the stoppages and were running rampant. The rhino backs were under the pump immediately and despite their best efforts, Fish Dhoory was a huge spark for the Tigers and kicked two big ones to open proceedings. These were followed up with a lovely goal from the flying peanut in William Uhlmann who was back to some of his best form, a great sight for United selectors. Joey Trimberger continues to get better and better and his size across half forward was yet another thorn in the Rhino side and after he hauled in a grab from an errant Brian Hoyt kick, he went back and kicked the Tigers fourth. With runners everywhere and a backline that was dominating the few Rhinos that were down there, it appeared a long day ahead was ahead for the Wrigley lads… it soon got longer. Just before the qtr time siren, Aussie ring in Tobias went down when the old hammy went “cablammy” rendering him as useful as the proverbial tits on a bull. To rub some salt in the wounds, Oscar Meyer got a late one to almost kill the game in the first 20 minutes.

At quarter time, The Tigers had shot out to lead 5. 3: 33 to 0. 0: 0 and Wrigleyville went looking for an answer, any answer.
The second stanza delivered more of the same as the Tigers had winners all over the ground and it became harder and harder to find Rhinos that could win the ball. With a backline that was tiring, the Rhinos tried everything but to no avail. Oscar Meyer in particular smelled blood and began to feast on a lovely Rhino dinner that was being cooked medium well by Brennan, the Dhoory’s, Uhlmann, Fitz and everyone else in yellow and black. Frenchie was on fire and Hoyt was getting a tonne of it and they all helped Meyer kick 3 for the term. Tommy Gunn kicked another and even Hoyt got in on the action and kicked truly to pour on the misery for the Rhinos and effectively kill the game. The Rhinos had no answers and could not muster a point for the quarter and at the half, the Tigers led by 69 (giggity) points, 10.9: 69 to 0.0: 0.

Pride was the only thing on the line now as the Rhinos took the field. A dressing down at the half had the desired effect and a much more committed Rhino team actually managed to take a bit of control and almost win the quarter. Herrmann, who was easily the Rhinos best was getting a lot of the ball and along with Clarke and Deehan they managed to slow the easy ball gets by the Tigers. Drake went to the forward line and Wolfe into the ruck and as the rhino staged a counter attack. Tobias, despite being on one leg was able to snap truly twice and start the rhino scoring. For the Tigers, who were resting their main charges by now, Brennan managed to kick his first to match his BOG effort and the Warrick Capper look-a-like got his 5th. At the orange break, the Tigers led 12. 12: 84 to 2.0: 12

The final quarter was another close affair as the Tigers continued to win plenty of the ball and their backs, namely Poncho Bradley went looking for goals. Highlight of the game may possibly be Ponchos sensational kicks on goal, one of which somehow ended further away than it started, winning him the coveted Golden Goose. Fitz was also pushing forward and bagged himself a goal and Fish Dhoory netted another two before the Rhinos got their third through a dashing Sammy Blundell. When Clarke found Drake on the death nell, his kick sailed through the big sticks to notch up his first (goal and possession). With the siren ending a disappointing day for the Rhinos, the Tigers went into celebration mode with cars being flipped and naked worms everywhere.

To the victor the spoils and it was a dominant Tiger team that after a slow start to the season got their shit together and steam rolled the competition. Their mid field is electric and their backs dominant. The only question mark hanging over their heads was the form of their forwards but that has been put to bed with a final score of 14. 14: 104 to 4.0: 24. The Rhinos can take away a solid second half which showed a bit of guts on their part but at the end of the day, the Rhinos were lucky this wasn’t a bigger margin. Their grand final may have been played in their big win over the Piranhas.

After the game, a very happy Mustard De Jong paid homage to his charges stating “beauty mate, farken great stuff. Everyone put in, from the flamboyant frog to the flappin’ fish and the crabs and worms in the middle, everyone was on fire and it was a great finale to a great year of metro footy”.

A devastated Paul Drake refused comment preferring to have Morgan attend the post match press conference. All Morgan had to say was “what the hell just happened?”

All players are asked to continue their recruiting efforts over the off season and come back bigger, better and stronger for season 2010. The United squads results have proven beyond doubt the effectiveness of a strong metro competition. Our aim is to one day have 5 metro teams up and running but for now, three independantly strong teams is a bloody good effort and a tribute to the hard work being done by all. The CAFA (and especially Wrigleyville) is sad to say goodbye to two of the most promising American recruits in their team in the form of Timmy Herrmann who is off to Dallas and Glenn Clarke who prefers the sands of Iraq and Afghanistan to the golden shores of Lake Michigan. We all wish him the best as he dons the famous Marines uniform.

GREEN JACKET
Crackers Brennan

GOLDEN GOOSE
Frank Bradley