News — rhinos

Piranhas Power to Two in a Row 0

Burgmann Fields, Chicago, IL – In a season of first of’s, the Lincoln Park Piranhas have won two on the trot after outlasting a very gallant Wrigleyville Friday night at Burgmann Fields.

In what was another great turn out by both teams (no team docked points), this game had it all and was a terrific example of Australian Football. The Piranhas went into the game red hot favorites despite the losses of Coach Kastilahn and guru, Al MacGlashan. The Rhinos were without Henzel (groin) and played a very injured Funky Miller against doctors orders. The Rhinos drafted in gun tiger midfielder Brennan and welcomed in first gamers Lance and the nuggety John Scher. The Piranhas borrowed Nemo and if more evidence was needed to prove that everything is going the way of the Trixies this year, they also unleashed gun ruckman Brian Dodds from god only knows where. LP welcomed back el presidente Drewbie (also from god only knows where) and Betty Palmer finally showed up as well to let us all know he was still alive.

The game started tough and went that way the whole game. As mentioned in the keys to the game, the Rhinos had to shut down the big Australian contingent of the Piranhas and all was going well for the boys from Cubsville as their midfield with Gordo, AJ and Wolfe were having the better of Allen, Rogers, Dobbs and Palmer. Ambrosino especially was giving the goldies plenty to think about and after some very smart moves, was able to bang home the first for the game. Not long after, and on 1 leg, funky miller out bustled his man to take a nice grab and even more interestingly, actually kick truly while being propped up by two branches from a nearby tree. The Rhinos, always a strong, committed team were looking dangerous and repeated forays forward by LP were to no avail as they kicked poorly due to the enormous pressure being brought to bear on them as the Rhino defense stood very strong against the big man Roofy, the fiesty Didak, el presidente and Isadore. A shitty bounce cost them though as Ehlers was able to kick a goal laughing as Drake was bamboozled by a Shane Warne like wrong un’. At the first break, it was all squared up, WV 2.0: 12 v LP 1.6: 12

Roofy was able to open proceedings in the second after a cheap handball over the top allowed him to run into an open goal and put LP in front but from then on, the Rhinos took control as they dominated through the middle and down back. Morgan at center half forward was very active and the move of Spider onto Roofy enable Drake to start legging it out of the backline and with McClamroch and Johnson getting plenty of run, things were looking good for the Rhinos. Scher was on top of Didak, Lance and poor vision by the Piranha backs were keeping Hayse out of the game and Brennan and Ambrosino were keeping ‘dangerous’ Dave Allen cold. Morgan was able to mark and goal for his first and Ambrosino capped off some Rhino magic to snag his second and send the Rhinos into the half 5 points up after a dubious shot on goal after the siren by Dobbs was called a point. WV 4.0: 24 v LP 2.7: 19

The feeling was good in the Rhino camp as they came out looking to press home their advantage over the highly paid LP team. LP swung the moves trying various people up forward to break the blockade but it was a sneaky little kick by Beau Rogers that got the Piranhas going and evened the scores. The Piranhas were starting to move the ball better as Dave Allen and Dobbs started to wear down the Rhino on ballers in Brennan, Wolfe and Johnson who after bad injuries to Hoyt P (shot by a sniper behind the grassy knoll… classic stuff if you happened to see it) and Ambrosino (whole body), were unable to change. The game got willing as heavy clashes were the order of the day as players threw themselves at the ball in every contest with the Piranha pride being shown by a ripper of a hit from Bretty Isadore on Drake that saw the latter flying higher than his wife in college. Neither team could break through though as the wind and staunch defences ruled the day. The Rhinos finally broke through and after some magnificent play from Morgan and McClamroch, hit the left tit of Funky 10 meters out but in a Golden Globe classic moment, old Funky decided to play on and the ensuing kick from 5 yards out dead in front missed by 20 yards and the Rhinos were left to rue the fact that OBK’s head didn’t get in the way of that errant shot. At the orange break, LP led 3. 9: 27 to WV 4.1: 25.

The last quarter was going to be a pearla and it didn’t let the large crowd of 12 down. Didak put the first nail in the Rhino coffin as he finally broke the John Scher/ Mike Panek shackles and goaled to put the Piranhas 8 points up and the Piranhas were sniffing a victory. They continued to pepper the goals but it was Morgan at the other end who put the points on the board after running onto a loose ball and kicking a great, Burgmannesque (CAFA bylaws state Waz must be mentioned in each write up) goal 40 meters out on the run which bought the Rhino faithful to its feet.

Players continued to give their all as the Rhino backline, under enormous pressure tried in vain to keep the Piranhas out. The Piranhas helped out with some more poor kicking for goal with both Roofy and Didak missing chances and finally it was up to B.O.G ‘Dangerous’ Davey Allen (whose mum flies in this week, if anyone’s interested in meeting Mrs Allen?) to slot through the game winner and break the Rhinos back. The Rhinos continued to fight though and when Scher ran full steam like one of his Pontiac Grand Am’s through the middle and kicked long, Morgan swept again and almost kicked goal of the year but alas, the post was in the way. Again though the Rhinos attacked, this time through Lance the dance whose handball to Drake saw the ball head in Gordos direction but the sniper popped up again and a second Rhino was left wounded on the ground as K.O.G.S signalled the end of one of the best Metro games played in the 3 years of this competition. Skills were excellent, running was spectacular and even the fitness looked pretty good as the two teams embraced after the game. To the victor the spoils as the Piranhas walked triumphantly unbeaten from the ground. Allen, suffering from a nice smack to the gob in the dying minutes was presented with the bottomless mug and had this to say after the game. “MacGlashan? Tall guy right, complains a lot? Nah, we didn’t miss him…. Oh that’s Burgmann, sorry, Al’s the guy that was in Playboy and Chicago magazines right? , Nah, didn’t miss him at all. Was a great game from all concerned and kudos to the Rhinos who were bloody terrific and had a red hot shot at us. I reckon we proved a point to all tonight, the Piranhas are fair dinkum”.

Rhinos Roar into Metro Grand Final 0

Burgmann Fields, Chicago IL- In a classic tussle between the Rhinos of Wrigleyville and the Piranhas of Lincoln Square, the Rhinos managed to triumph to ensure the privilage of defending their premiership against the Tigers of Lincoln Square.

In a game dominated by the wind, the Rhinos won the toss and kicked with the breeze in the first. Drake threw his big guns up forward in ‘Biggun’ Jackson and a refreshed Scotty McCoombe just off the plane from Oz. The two big men dominated as Panek in the ruck played an outstanding game against Tiny and was able to win several taps giving the dynamic Wolfe first use of the ball. McCoombe’s mark and goal was the games first before a big goal from Jacko set the crowd alight. The Piranhas, fearing a blow out strengthened their backline and double teamed the two big fellas which gave first Funky Miller and then MacGlashan Medal leading Gordo all the ball and space they needed. Through three brilliant snaps, they led the Rhinos into the quarter time break 5. 2: 32 to 0.1: 1 up but the Piranhas were licking their lips as they looked at the wind which had refused to die down and knew their chance was coming.

The Rhinos brought Jackson and Hoyt (B) back to strengthen the backline but all to little avail. Despite time wasting tactics and playing the boundary as oft as possible, the Piranhas were able to surge back through a midfield that had come alive. Deri Morgan and Betty Palmer were marvellous as they ran hard and often through a weakening Rhino line and set up many scoring opportunities for their forwards. In a strange move designed to keep the forward line open, Kastilahn left big guns MacGlashan and Roofy up the ground preffering to rely on Ehlers and an unfit Burgmann who was having a lot of trouble holding onto anything, let alone a football. Brian Hoyt had the better of Ehlers and B.O.G Miller the better of Burgmann but the Rhino backs couldn’t contain holidaying mercenary Paul whose three goals for the quarter were sheer class. The surprisingly quiet Roofy piped up to mark and goal to make it 4 for the quarter as the Piranhas showed they were certainly not a spent force. At the long break, the Rhinos clung to a 5.2: 32 to 4.2: 26 lead.

As in the first, Drake sent ‘Biggun’ Jackson and McCoombe up forward along with Anderson, the brothers Hoyt, Ambrosino and OBK to see if they could break the game open but the Piranhas were to strong and shut the big Rhino game winners down. Goal of the day came off the boot of Biggun as he broke two tackles and snapped truly from 45 out to break the Piranha strangelhold and shake off the determined tag of Poncho for a brief second . OBK marked truly in the goal square but decided to kick it 90 degrees the wrong way to bring up a point before the Piranhas were able to attack and get a great goal off the boot of Ehlers. Minutes late Ehlers, after a diving mark, had the chance to put the Pirnahas up but his shot from 25 out went left and the ensuing kick in found biggun Jackson whose bomb from 50 put the Rhino faithful in a better mood as they went into the orange break 2 goals up, 7. 3: 45 to 5.3: 33.

The last quarter was one of the best quarters in Metro footy history as both teams threw themselves at the ball and gave everything they had. The Rhinos learnt from their mistakes in the second quarter and strengthened their on ball division to quell the Pirnaha danger men of Hayse, Morgan and Palmer. The brothers Hoyt were marvellous down back along with Funky Miller and Toddy McClamroch as the Rhinos repelled forward foray after forward foray. Beau Rogers marked and goaled 10 yards out to bring the game to within a kick and with 3 minutes left, it was still anyones game. The Rhinos attacked and Anderson kicked an important behind (not Al’s!) to make the difference 7 points. In the ensuing time, players from both teams left everything they had out on the field as the Piranhas looked for that elusive goal and the Rhinos tried to stand tall. In the end, Kogs blew time and a relieved Rhino team emerged with a gutsy win. The Piranhas, while bitterly dissapointed, were not left empty handed as they reflected on a marvellous second half of the season that signalled their coming of age. Coming out of nowhere mid season, the Piranhas accounted for the Rhinos twice and lost heartbreakers twice to the Tigers. Their new recruits in Ternes, Monico and Morrisey were wonderful and the play of elder statesmen Ehlers, Deri Morgan and MacGlashan was heartwarming for both DK and the United selectors ahead of the Milwaukee clash proving why Metro football is so important to the future of the game in Chicago.

Rhinos Feel Piranha Bite 0

The Piranhas welcomed back MacGlashan (1 goal) and Drewbie (2 goals), 2 of their veteran champions that have been seen so rarely at Kastilahn Towers that DK had to introduce them to the rest of the team before the game. Both played pivotal roles in the win that was set up by a dominant midfield and strong backline that was able to control the Rhino danger men in Gordo and McClamroch.

The game opened up with Lincoln Park scoring their first within a minute and the writing was already on the wall. El Presidente Ehlers was electrifying as he carved up both Fenton and the Rhino backline as he helped himself to 2 for the quarter. Roofy’s bro in law Brian kicked the first of his 3 as the Piranhas took control in the centre giving their forwards every opportunity.

The Rhinos were missing Miller, Morgan, McCoombe, LeBlanc, Anderson and ‘Biggun’ Jackson but still was able to muster a pretty decent team that was shell shocked at quarter team. McClamroch was able to score the first for the Rhinos just before quarter time giving the rhinos some fight as they looked to the second quarter. At the first break, LP led 3.2: 20 to 1.3: 9

McClamroch banged on another to open the second and was threatening to win the game off his own boot as the Rhinos started to charge but as soon as they began to threaten, the Piranha fought back and once he smelt blood, he went straight for the throat. MacGlashan produced a bomb from 50 out before Brian got his second. Roofy started getting loose and bagged himself 2 while Haysie found plenty of room on the wing and bagged one for himself. Poncho nailed a bomb from the boundary and at the half, the Piranhas were dominating every aspect of the game and were thinking how far. At the long break, a demoralized Rhino outfit trailed by over 7 goals being 2.3: 15 against a potent Piranhas team 9.4: 58

Drake swung the changes and demanded more of his backline but numbers were against him. Mustard did a splendid job on MacGlashan and Fenton was starting to get on top of Ehlers as the rhinos fought back. Brian put another nail in the Rhino coffin with his third to announce his arrival on the CAFA scene. Brian Hoyt hit back for Wrigleyville with a lovely shot from the boundary and complimented this with his second minutes later. Ehlers broke away from Fenton to kick his second before the Rhinos hit back with their third for the quarter in what can only be described as the greatest goal in US history. Lets see if I can properly describe this…… “Ambrosino collects the pill 40 out. He dodges and he weaves and he dodges again before straightening up from 30 out and going ‘BANG’ and a wobbly, mongrel punt leaves his boot and is destined for an out on the full call before cannoning into the back of OBK’s head and magically back into the hands of Gordo who slams it back on the boot, this time from 20 out and sees it sail straight through the middle of the hey diddle diddle”. The game comes to a halt and time is called as players from both teams try to pick themselves up off the ground as OBK walks around in a daze and Gordo celebrates. At the orange break, LP led 11.7: 73 to WV 5.3: 33

Drake had one more move up his sleeve and threw everyone behind the ball and put himself, Gordo and a still dazed OBK up forward as the Rhinos gambled on a big last quarter. In the fading light, the move almost paid off as B. Hoyt ran through the middle and hit his coach on the left tit out in front of Beau Rogers. The ensuing goal to Drake sparked the Rhino for a last hurrah and on the next play Hoyt P was able to grab the pig skin and bomb it up forward where Drake marked over Beau again, 30 out. The kick however could not match the grab and the Piranhas were able to rebound and dominate the footy and run the game into the ground as Hayse added his second to put the game away. The Rhinos continued to fight and Drake kicked his second for the game with a big bomb from the boundary that set the crowd alight. The Piranhas put Kastilahn on Drake and Phil Cisco continued to pester the hell out of Gordo and the Piranhas were able to shut the game down and continue to come good at the business end of the season. The Piranhas are now the team to look at as the Tigers continue to struggle for numbers and the Rhinos struggle for consistency. More threatening is that this Piranha team was without Ternes and Deri Morgan both of who will add a lot more power and strength to an already impressive line up. If they can afford the big wages of MacGlashan and Ehlers to ensure they continue to play, the Pirnahas will certainly give this competition a shot in the arm as they ran out 34 point winners in this one.

Rhinos Triumph in Thriller 0

In one of the classic Metro football games, the Wrigleyville Rhinos were able to hold out a fast finishing Tiger outfit Friday night in Round 8 of Metro Footy at Burgmann Fields.

Under a beautiful Chicago sky and in perfect conditions, Wrigleyville jumped out to an early lead which after just 5 minutes had turned into a 3 goal lead as the Tigers struggled against the Rhinos only import in big Roofy who’s back to some of his best form after the busted ribs. While Wrigleyville had impressive numbers again, the Tigers couldn’t say the same with a very poor turn up resulting in them getting the best of the Piranhas including the much anticipated return of ex Revo player and famed Shark killer Pete Ternes.

Big Roofy slipped 3 through in the first and the vastly improved Mike Panek got himself one on the run before the Tigers had even threatened the Rhino backs. After a nice ball in from Mustard, Oscar Meyer marked and kicked truly for his first but when another vastly improved player in Dave Worniak ran into an open goal, the Rhinos started to exert some authority. The Outback Kid got amongst the goals and sent the Rhinos into the break 6.2: 38 to 1.2: 8 and looking to put the game away by half time.

The Tigers pulled a swifty at the break and introduced first gamer Brian (Roofys bro in law) who, despite never seeing the game, managed to get the ball immediately and bring up a point for the Tiges. By the end of the quarter, he’d managed another 3 minors in a very impressive debut. Oscar Meyer was being a thorn in the Rhinos hide and he snuck in another before the Rhinos steadied through the irrepressible Gordo and his two goals righted the ship before Hazie finally found some space and got one back after a good run just before the half. At the main break, the Rhinos still had the game by the short and curlies 8.4: 52 to 3. 8: 26.

Mustard tried the changes and Drake kept them to a mininum as the Tigers looked for a spark and they found it in Hayzie who put his hand up for his MAAFL debut with a near best on ground performance. In combination with Betty Palmer, the two Piranhas ran the Rhino midfield ragged but the Tigers found it hard to break the Fenton, Miller, Drake and Morgan juggernaut down back and only managed 2 for the quarter with one going to debutant Brian and the other coming straight out of Oscars arse with a handy snap that had a Shane Warne leg break attached to it.

For the Rhinos, Roofy was unstoppable and in the end, was the difference between the two teams. His three for the quarter sent the Rhinos further ahead and looking impossible to stop. At the orange break, the Rhinos led 11.4: 70 to 5.10: 40

Under the darkening skies of Burgmann Fields, the Rhinos looked to have the game in hand but that can be a killer in football and the Tigers hit them with everything they had in a magnificent final term. Hayes and Palmer ran riot and with Mustard giving them first use, the Rhino backs were under massive pressure. Oscar ran into an open goal to make it 4 for the afternoon, and the Tigers continued to out run and out play the fading Rhinos. McClamroch gave his all on the wing for the reigning premiers but when Uhlmann started to get more of it, the game swung to become completely controlled by the Tigers. Another piranha in Beau Rogers kicked a handy goal to make it closer and when Roofy’s bro in law Brian kicked his second, the Tigers had pulled back to within a kick and were finishing all over the top of the spent Rhinos who were literally saved by the bell as they ran out 6 point winners in what was a classic game and one that will be talked about for a long time, especially the impressive form of the Piranha fill ins with Hayze, Rogers, Palmer, Kastilahn, Ternes, and Cisco literally on fire for the Tigers and Roofy dominating for the Rhinos.

In the end, winners are grinners and after the game, Rhino coach Drake was rapt with the first three quarters but had nothing to say to describe the worrying trend of Rhino fade outs. Mustard left impressed with the effort but disappointed with his teams poor numbers. Perhaps the only happy bloke from the whole night was DK who watched as Ternes returned to form and his Piranhas combined for their best showing of the season. Asked about it later, DK replied “Bit bloody ironic isn’t it? I mean, there was more Piranhas than Tigers on the Tiger team and my blokes were their best. We wouldn’t be bottom if the bastards played like that each week and when I start getting a few blokes turning up, I think you can say that the Piranha bite will be back”.

PLAY OF THE DAY (Globe award):
Gordo running into an open goal and missing……. from three yards out.

Rhinos Back in Winners Circle 0

The game started with a classic match up where the Rhinos Jacko had the job on the Rhinos McCoombe who was a late move to the dark side of Lincoln Park. Lincoln Park, in the absence of MacGlashan, Roofy, Deri, Haysie et al secured Mustard, Bradice and Oscar to name a few to add a lot of strength. The Rhinos, without several themselves went in with a full Rhino team however and the battlelines were drawn.

In a free flowing first quarter goals were surprisingly hard to come by with both teams using an extra man down back to spring board forward. Drake took a ball out of the centre and hit a wide open OBK who went back and went BANG. The wobbly punt fell short but into the open arms of Rhino dangerman, Scott ‘Osama’ Anderson whose resultant goal was the first and only of the quarter. At the first change, WV led 1.4: 10 to 0.2:2

The second quarter started with Gordo snagging one for the Rhinos, quickly followed by a reply from Dougie Malcolm whose errant hamstring was still intact at this stage. The good run and fierce tackling from both teams was remarkable considering the amount of players. The highlight of the second term was Betty Palmer with a MASSIVE hit on big Wolfey that had the Burgmann Medal favorite seeing stars for a while. McCoombe and Jackson were still having the battle royale but big Scottie finally broke the shackles to score another major for the fighting Piranha. Gordo added a couple of more points to his impressive amount of behinds this season and at the half, Wrigleyville clung to a 2.8: 20 to 2.3: 15 lead.

The premiership quarter promised everything and delivered with Ambrosino taking the game by the scruff of the neck and declaring it his as he put the Rhino on his back and tried to get the fat bastard to the line. McCoombe struck first to even the scores before the little Italian fired up. The Rhinos started to move the ball a bit better and once in the forward line Gordo took over, slamming on two majors to go with his 5 points, electrifying the crowd. The Piranhas saw Betty Palmer go down and then Fenton for the Rhinos got the old ankle tap that didn’t please the big Canadian as he looks forward to a big Canada day full of Molson, Labatts blue and some Moose and possibly French Canadian jerky on July 1st. At the orange break, the Rhinos had increased their lead marginally, 4.10: 34 to 3.4: 22. The Piranhas had to come back and with a pumped up and blood engorged Osacr Meyer, were more than capable.

The Rhinos moved Drake onto McCoombe to let Jacko get a run on the ball and shifted Anderson into the ruck to open the forwardline for Gordo. The Piranhas sent Oscar up forward and Mustard onto the ball with Betty Palmer in an effort to turn the game. They needed to strike first but it was Osama pushing forward and after fumbling in the square, realised he had time and picked up the kangaroo skin and slammed it home for the Rhinos to go up by 3 goals.

McCoombe was the recipient of a lovely Xman pass that he was able to slot through to bring the margin back to two goals. Gordo continued to do as he wanted except for kick straight and his impressive amount of 3 straight points pushed him to 3 goals 7 on the day in a performance that was nothing more than Burgmann-esque.

In the end, the Rhinos outlasted a gallant Piranha outfit that was horribly undermanned and coach kastilahn will be looking for a much improved showing as far as numbers are concerned this Friday night as they try to tame Poncho and his Tigers. Kastilahn however, will be very impressed at the effort his charges put in and the pressure they were able to apply around the ground on the Rhinos who were never able to break away. With MacGlashan back along with many others, it will not surprise this scribe to see the Piranhas jump up and bite the Tigers on the bum. The loss of Roofy though is a huge blow.

The Rhinos were ecstatic with the win and go into the break full of piss and vinegar. The form of Ambrosino and Wolfe is wonderful and the return of Anderson has been a big boost. Couple that with the much improved trio of Fenton, Panek and LeBlanc and the Rhinos aren’t looking as bad as they were this time last week after a melt down against the strong Tiger outfit.

Tigers Torment Rhinos 0

With the bad weather looming over the lakefront, numbers were not as good as previous weeks. This turned out to be somewhat of a blessing with some of the most free flowing and effective running play seen for a while at Burgmann Field. The extra space on the field encouraged the teams to lead hard and use the wings a little more than ususal.

The centre bounces were a classic duel between the height of new additions Rohan Ward and big Aaron for the Piranhas against a smaller yet very damaging Mustard for the Square. Tigers Oscar Meyer and Frankie B were getting plenty of the ball while Betty Palmer and triple bouncing Hayes were winning their fair share too. Frankie was playing the role of rover and key position all in one, looking like he was also enjoying himself.

The Lincoln Park forwards were getting a few opportunities but just couldn’t get the score on the board, the Square only slightly more damaging with a couple of goals early on. Byron Galbraith was doing his best presenting himself and creating a contest with Doug chipping in with a goal in assistance. Byron lead all day and with a little more support could have really broken the game open.

Lincoln Square on the other hand had a couple of good targets but inaccurate kicking and great pressure from the Piranhas’ backline kept the contest pretty close. Both backlines worked very hard, pushing out wide using the boundary well.

The Hoyts as always regularly popped up in the play with Brian keeping his head over the ball, OBK chipped in with a goal after some unselfish play from BOG Oscar Meyer. Mustard and Jacko were solid all day, the latter showing some dash with a few inspirational runs up the ground-the former directing play with his settled delivery.

Lincoln Park big men Rohan and Aaron were doing well against a faster yet smaller opposition. Aaron taking some strong grabs while Rohan just kept running and was enjoying the open ground. These two will be a task for any team to match up on.

The Tigers in the end finished up 5 goals ahead, both teams the victim of inaccuracy. The last quarter was shortened slightly due to a huge storm covering the field with the Lincoln Park Piranhas finishing the game with the final major.