News — tigers


Lincoln Square Repeat 0

Lincoln Square repeat their season from last year, winning the Grand Final 10.7 67 to 5.9 39 against the Lincoln Park Piranhas. Great game… write-up on its way.


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Tigers 0.0.0 0.0.0 0.0.0 10.7.67 10.7.67
Piranhas 0.0.0 0.0.0 0.0.0 5.9.39 5.9.39
Goals Tigers: Meyer (5), Bradley, Uhlmann, Hoyt B, Gizynski T, Brennan
Piranhas: McKeegan (2), Matt NewGuy, Malcolm, Ward
Best Tigers: None
Piranhas: None

Tiger Sharks to School Piranhas 0

Lincoln Square Tigers vs Lincoln Park Piranhas

CHICAGO, IL- The two best teams in the Chicago Metro Competition meet this saturday at Waveland in what will be a magnificent culmination to a magnificent metro season. With three competitive teams fighting it out throughout the season, it all boils down to this one shot at glory for both the Tigers of Lincoln Square and the Piranhas of Lincoln Park.

The Tigers have long been the measuring stick of the Metro Competition and with the their fearless leader in Frank ‘Poncho/fruit and salads’ Bradley back to 100% (relative for him anyway, in fact, according to the Tiger captain, 50% of his body is at 40%, 25% is at 50% and the shoulder is at 10%… add it up people…. that’s 100%, trust me, I am a teacher… and I had Hoyt do the math for me anyway so I must be right!) it augers well for the boys in the famous ‘yellow and black’ to repeat as masters of the field formerly known as Burgmann (has anyone seen him?). Bradley, the heart and soul of the Tigers and a favorite amongst the Tiger Army will be ably supported by United big guns in the Flying Peanut Billy Uhlmann, the equally talented Crackers Brennan, the Brothers Grimm in the Dhoorys, David ‘the leg’ Fitzgerald and Knick Knack Patty Whack McHale. The murderers row of Australian talent is immense with the recently married (hence, this will be a big outing for him) and goal kicking master in Oscar Meyer coming off a bag last outing, the Big Lebowski in Leibowitz (lets hope Yom Kippur doesn’t get in the way) and the streaky Bradshaw making up a threesome of talent not seen since Al’s friend Debbie did Dallas all those years ago (giggity). If the Piranhas can control these talents, there is one name that will have Hayse, MacGlashan and Gambaro shaking in their boots, that of the mercurial Brian Hoyt. On his day he can win a game of his own boot but if the ‘tude’ isn’t there, he can go missing quicker than Whitey in Nashville when a free kick is about to be paid against the Roo Boys. Hoyt could be the key to this game as the Piranhas are sure to put their best back on Meyer leaving the great man a forward line more open to exploitation than a 21 year old lovely at Brownstone with a Matt Palmer or Gordon Ambrosino circling.

The Tigers also boast a ruck trio of the likes not seen on the lakefront since MacGlashan and Spider teamed up for the swans (only to get well beaten by a rampaging Shark outfit lead by spearhead Drake who kicked a lazy 6 that memorable day… and by memorable, I mean I remember it, couldn’t care less if no one else does) but will they show? Jason Wilhelm is the best thing that has happened to football since Nathan Buckley retired and with EP and Trimberger a chance to show, the big boys from the Square will rule the air!! The Tiger runners also prove to be a handful. Led by Tommy Gunn and featuring names such as Harper, Junius, Ortiz, Harris and Grisoni, these guys are the unheralded players that keep the ball rolling for the Tigers and provide that important link when moving the ball forward and stopping opposition backs. Grisoni especially has been a pain in the arse to both Rhino and Piranha forwards as his evolution into an Australian Footballer of quality continues and he has carved out a nice little niche for himself behind the power of Poncho and the Tiger half backs.

The underdog card has been hung around the Piranha neck for a long time. For too long the laughing stock of the Metro Competition in Chicago, MacGlashan and Hayse have put together a fine team using Paddy power to fuel the engine and surprise opposition teams. Their win over the Rhinos where half of Dublin turned up to play for them was a memorable one but this is a grand final and those shenanigans wont fly with Meyer and Bradley (not that Oscar is beyond a bit of slight of hand!). The arguments prior to this game could feature more wheeling and dealing than Vincent Jackson and the Chargers (yep, I picked him in my fantasy league… phark!) and could provide some pre game entertainment for the massive crowd that is expected.

The Piranhas will live and die on the form of their big gun, one Roofy Ward. The boy has not set the world alight this season after his barnstorming heroics of last year and after a guest appearance on the Oprah show its hard to judge where his brain is at. Will Oprah and Stedman be in attendance to worship the ground that becomes freshly hallowed every time he takes a step on it with those size 13 hooves of his? Or will the glitz and glamor be to much for him to handle and he’ll become the next Reggie Bush? MacGlashan had his glimpse of the highlife featuring in GQ and living it up with Hef and the bunnies at Playboy and didn’t get a kick for three months afterwards (he got plenty of kicks that night though!!). MacGlashan will be tutoring his younger protege through the limelight and steering him from the pitfalls that threatened to railroad his career seasons ago. The girls, the drugs, the hangers on like Jay Z, Clooney and Jolie almost led to MacGlashan losing his career, marriage and even life after a drug fuelled bender with Robert Downey Jr. Lets hope the Roof top can handle the pressures of superstardom with more poise and kick a tonne this week against the Tigers who will struggle to match up on him.

The Piranhas Australian talent is impressive with Ward, MacGlashan and Hayse leading the way but their homegrown talent and Irish imports are where the win will come from. Gambaro is amongst the best of the old breed of American footballer. Talented, skillful and exceptionally good looking, he can be the Twins to Hoyts White Sox, the any oppostion team to the Cubs. Eric Zukowski is a raw talent along the Uhlmann lines and will be a star United player for a long time to come. With a mentor that is mentioned along names like Parkin and Barassi, Hendrie has his brother in law playing some quality football. Kastilahn, Fresh, Ehlers, Cisco, Palmer, Morgan, Sweeney are all top quality players but the ace in the Piranha sleeve will be the little Paddy in McKeegan. He constantly kicks goals and his relationship with Roofy (while strained of late as Oprah muscles in) playing the ‘one up, one down’ role to perfection has led to many a Piranha victory. Look for him to have a massive impact on this game.

Who will win this game then and why? My pick is the undefeated Tigers. Too many good players and a backline that will strangle the life out of you. Nothing gets passed Bradley and now with Hoyt and Meyer getting amongst the goals, it looks hard to stop them. Stace Elmore has a massive task ahead of him in the ruck for the Piranhas but the Piranha big boys are more than capable to dominate the airways with Stace, Gambaro, Ward and Big Al providing viable targets all over. But how do you stop Brennan, Uhlmann, Gunn, the Dhoorys and Fitzgerald? I am actually asking… anyone? I tried but couldn’t, Hayse has tried and hasn’t been able to shut them all down at once either. That’s why my pick begrudgingly goes to the Tigers (though would love to see the Piranhas beat the bastards just quietly) and I am going with an 8 point win.

WHO: Lincoln Square v Lincoln Park
WHEN: Saturday, September 18th at 2pm
WHAT: The Metro Grand Final BABY!
PLAYERS TO WATCH: LP: Ward, Gambaro, Zukowski, Elmore, Palmer. LS: Bradley, Brennan, Dhoorys 1 and 2, Gunn, Meyer, Uhlmann
BIG MATCH UPS: Hayse v Uhlmann, Elmore v Wilhelm, Bradley v Ward, MacGlashan v his own hammys, Palmer v Hoyt
VEGAS ODDS: Tigers 3-1, Piranhas 7-1
WHAT ELSE: Rhinos are to supply umpires (I’ll do central). Bring as many of your mates, girlfriends, wives and hangerson as possible and make this a great annual event. We will be all heading to the Brownstone at the end of festivities and watching Rocky push to inevitable glory as he looks to secure the Runaway train with a good 3 hour jump start on the rest of the team as he sits on the sidelines sucking tinnies.

2010 Metro Rd 8 0


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Piranhas 2.3.15 1.4.10 1.0.6 1.5.11 5.12.42
Tigers 5.1.31 4.2.26 2.3.15 1.8.14 12.14.86
Goals Piranhas: McKeegan (2), Blundell, Enzinger, Matt NewGuy
Tigers: Meyer (7), Hanisch (2), Brennan, Doorhy V, Doorhy J
Best Piranhas: None
Tigers: None

2010 Metro Rd 7 0


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Rhinos 0.0.0 0.0.0 0.0.0 2.5.17 2.5.17
Tigers 0.0.0 0.0.0 0.0.0 9.5.59 9.5.59
Goals Rhinos: None
Tigers: None
Best Rhinos: None
Tigers: None

Tigers go Fishing 0

CHICAGO, IL- This week marks the return of Metro footy to Chicago’s magnificent shoreline as the Piranhas get to take another shot at runaway flag favorites, the bustling Tigers of Lincoln Square.

Magnificent in their perfect season thus far, the Tigers certainly got a scare last game as Forte and the Rhinos took it right up to them, losing by under a straight kick in what was the game of the season thus far. The Tigers were a tad undermanned for that one and it will be interesting to see who lobs for the black and yellow this friday in the moist Chicago heat that it rolling in off the plains.

The Piranhas are yet to hit their straps but are also coming off a victory over the Rhinos in another close one. They boast Roofy, Gambaro, Hayse and MacGlashan and a ragged band of Irishmen that can turn a game in mere seconds. The Toddy Holmberg like Ciaran Sweeney is a huge talent and his last up effort was hopefully a sign of things to come for Hayse and the Piranhas. Other Piranhas to put their hands up include Pedro, Zukowski, Gallagher and Walsh who will be well supported by veterans Palmer, Ehlers, Deri Morgan, Kastilahn and the Mini Keg on two legs Nolan McKe(e)gan. The Piranhas certainly have the team to beat the Tigers but can they put it together? Their backline is probably their biggest worry as between McKeegan, Ward, MacGlashan and co they can pile on plenty of goals. The mids in Hayse, Sweeney, Isadore, Fresh and the renegade master Stacey Elmore can at least hang with the highly fancied midfield of the Tige’s that is a who’s who of United Football in Brennan, Dhoory x 2, Gunn, Leibowitz and the best of them all in Willy Uhlmann who is coming off a B.O.G effort against Cincinnatti in which he racked up over 40 possessions (2 of which hit their target just quietly).

The Tigers are a force but their leader and inspiration will most likely be missing from this line up in Francis Bradley who has popped the shoulder yet again (Hendrie popped his again meaning Hendrie still leads the ‘popped shoulder’ contest 75 to 62). The Tiges will be looking for the mercurial Wilhelm to take on Elmore in what, if it pans out, will be a great match up in the ruck. Elmore with the experience, Wilhelm with the looks and form. The Tiger backs were shown up at times by Wrigleyville and their forward line is not that scary but with Fitz, Dhoorys and Hoyt running through the lines, goals can come in a hurry as Fitz showed against the Rhinos in that magnificent third quarter a few weeks back. Hoyt could be a player to watch in this game though. He presented magnificently time and again against Cinci but had a case of the yips that had even Ian Baker Finch feeling sorry for him. Hoyts return of 2 marks from 33 attempts and 1 goal 23 points will be talked about for a long time but it must be pointed out that he did get to the ball and was a credible target for Uhlmann, Hayse, Leibowitz and the United midfielders. Look for Hoyt and Hayse to be duking it out at some stage as Hoyt looks to get even for some interesting comments during the course of the United triumph!

This game, I am predicting, will be a romp by the Tigers. Ward is unlikely to play after Forte broke his ribs in an incident that would seem normal if Rocky were involved but alas he was chasing fire trucks somewhere. The Tiger midfield will be too hot to handle for Hayse and with Oscar coming back as well as Wilhelm and Burgmann (kidding), the Tigers will be too strong, too big, too quick for the aging Piranhas. Tigers by 5 goals.

WHEN: Friday, June 11th @ 6pm
WHERE: Waveland Park, CNR LSD and Waveland Aves
WHO: Lincoln Park Pirnahas v Lincoln Square Piranhas
WHAT ELSE: WV Rhinos to supply umpires and hecklers and beer (gonna be hot)
KEY MATCH UPS: Elmore v Wilhelm, Hayse v Uhlmann, Gambaro v Meyer, Roofy v Poncho (in terms of beers drank on the sidelines), Hoyt v wooden hands, MacGlashan v desire to quit and go to the pool and suck tinnies coz of the bloody heat, Fitzgerald v McKeegan
Tigers: Covering Poncho and getting the ball to the midfielders
Piranhas: Hoping Billy, Crackers, Fitz, Leibba, Gunn and the Dhoorys don’t turn up. Getting Elmore and Sweeney to play.


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Tigers 0.0.0 0.0.0 0.0.0 9.2.56 9.2.56
Piranhas 0.0.0 0.0.0 0.0.0 9.2.56 9.2.56
Goals Tigers: None
Piranhas: McKeegan (2)
Best Tigers: None
Piranhas: None

Tigers Break Rhinos Hearts in a Classic 0

CHICAGO, IL- Led by the biggest heartbreaker of them all in Brian “I haven’t had a beer since April” Hoyt, the LS Tigers overcame an early 4 goal deficit to defeat the Rhinos by 4 lousy points in easily the best game of the year thus far.

In front of a huge crowd at the lakeshore, a virtually full strength Rhino outfit came out firing against a very cocky Tiger line up that was missing cult figure Frank Bradley and their talls in Trimberger and new gun Jason Wilhelm. With the aid of a 1 maybe 2 goal breeze that was blowing towards the city end, it was the Rhinos who pounced and finally showed some of the ability that is in this team but as of yet, had not been seen. Drake had challenged several of his runners, in particular Ambrosino, Blundell and Borchardt all of who had barely tasted the leather in the first rounds and it was they that answered in kind, all playing rippers of games. Borchardt and Blundell across half back and Ambrosino in the middle and providing plenty of spark up front. But it was the new Rhino in Ortiz that set the crowd and the scoreboard alight with a lovely mark and goal early. Soon after it was McClamroch who banged one home after some lovely roving with a classic opportunists goal.

The Rhinos continued to attack and the Bradely- less Tiger backline was straining as they were finally asked a few questions. Brennan threw himself into the backline to stem the flow but it was big Kia Forte who presented and took a lovely mark 40 metres out on a slight angle. The Rooster went back and drilled home the Rhinos third to send the crowd in a tizzy. All of a sudden the famous Brennan- Uhlmann- Leibowitz midfield was struggling for possessions as Allen, Deehan and Drake ran riot with big Davey Choi dominating the ruck duels. Ortiz capped off a fabulous opening term for both he and the Rhinos with a great diving mark in front of the bumper crowd which he duly slotted through to send the Rhinos into the first break leading 4.1: 25 to 0.3: 3. This, it should be noted, was the first quarter the Rhinos had won all season thus far!

The Tigers are a force and it is not through luck that they have dominated the competition in recent seasons and it was they, after a big dressing down from Brennan at quarter time, who came out humming like the proverbial hooker. Fish Dhoory, thus far kept very quiet by a close checking John Scher was able to find space and his first mark and first kick resulted in the first goal for the Tigers. With the midfield heating up as Leibowitz and Uhlmann in particular started to get a lot more of the ball, it wasn’t long until the game opened up and both teams started to play some beautiful, end to end football that is a tribute to both Hendries coaching and the effort by so many to get to training. With little manning up by both sides in the guts, players like Uhlmann, Leibowitz, Allen, Blundell and Deehan were getting tonnes of ball and more importantly, the use of that ball was pretty good. Dhoory was able to again mark and goal to cut the deficit in half but a telling mark and goal by Wolfe gave the Rhinos a bit more breathing space. Still, both sides continued to attack and Brennan and especially Hoyt started to wear down the Rhino forwards as Meyer, Fitz and Dhoory became much more active up front for the Tige’s. Fitz, on that magnificent left foot booted home a goal just before the half to bring up the Tigers third as they signalled their intentions for the rest of the game and send them into half time a mere 9 pts down with Wrigleyville leading 5.1: 31 to LS’s 3.4: 22

The old adage that the 3rd quarter is the premiership quarter where games are won and lost has never rang as loud as it did on Friday night. Although the game is played with 16 on the field and is indeed an ultimate example of a team sport, every team needs their superstars and this game will forever be remembered for the ultimate footprint left on it by one David Fitzgerald. Playing out of position on a half forward flank, the dashing mollyduker had basically been unsighted in the first half except for a lone goal and being caught numerous times holding the ball. His next 15 minutes were scintillating however and set the proverbial cat amongst those pigeons. With Jack Thompson all but shutting down Oscar Meyer and Disco Panek playing like one Frank Bradley and marking just about everything coming his way, the Tiger avenues to goal weren’t that apparent but Fitz, roving the pack and breaking a couple of tackles slammed on his second soon after Hayes strated the third stanza. Minutes later, it was he again who outwitted the Rhino defence and in similar fashion banged in his second for the term. When he again saluted the judge the Tigers had hit the front and momentum had completely swung.

Leibowitz and Uhlmann were running riot through the center as Rhino loaners Dallas Moreland and big Nate started to win the ruck duels as Choi battled through a leg injury. Forte, Wolfe and McClamroch, extremely dangerous up until now were stranded in the forward line without access to the pill and despite numerous moves by Drake, still the Tigers attacked. Finally Borchardt was able to goal for the Rhinos to wrest back control of the lead but seconds later and after some more great work by Fitz who by now had 2 Rhinos running with him, Fish Dhoory found space after a kick in mishap by the Rhinos and goaled to bring up his third for the arvo. After a stunning quarter of Tiger football, the Tigers lead by 9 pts but on the siren, a great passage of Rhino football found a strong leading Forte whose huge grab was rewarded with a magnificent kick and goal which cut the Tiger lead and ensured a massive last term. At the orange break the Tigers led 7.6: 48 to 7.1: 45.

Drake threw himself into the ruck, Forte into the middle with Allen, Deehan went on to Fitz and big, bad Wolfey into the goal square to get things moving with some early success. The Rhinos again wrested momentum from the Tigers as Vince Dhoory limped from the ground with an ankle to join Bradshaw as an observer. Repeated forays forward found a stout Tiger defence but a big grab by Wolfe set hearts racing but his shot from 15 out on a tight angle was a shocker and netted the single hand salute from Pat Hoyt. Still the Rhinos came and a long ball in from Ortiz was met by McClamroch who was having a great game. He marked in heavy traffic and inexplicably played on, Ambrosino like, to give his coach a near fatal heart attack but his wobbly punt sailed through to put the Rhinos back in the lead. The Rhinos seemed to have all the running now as Allen, Forte and Deehan threw everything they had at the ball and Thompson, Dorsett, Blundell, Borchardt and Scher gave everything in defence to constantly thwart Tiger advances. Leibowitz and Uhlmann were working tirelessly for the Tigers and big games out of their imports in Dallas, Jeff, Nate (Rhinos) and Pedro (Piranha) were helping. Pat McHale was playing a ripper for them across half back as was Hoyt, Nolan and Art Ortiz. When Ortiz reeled in his 12th mark for the game and handballed to a dashing Forte, the Rhinos looked winners and his long bomb in was again coralled by little McClamroch who had been splendid until now. The little man from Cinci again played on but this shot, much easier than the first, sailed wide and left the door slightly ajar for the Tigers who were having trouble getting through the Rhino defence.

Players all over the field were tiring and when Thompson again spoiled Meyer, it was his dash and handball that sent Drake clear down the wing. Drake found a dashing Toby Allen and all Rhinos pushed forward as they sniffed another goal. A HUGE holding the ball decision against Allen though had the Rhinos and their fans baying for Hayse blood and the Tigers, on the rebound through Leibowitz (I’m getting tired of typing that name… lets call him Matt from now on) found an out of position Thompson ahead of him and a lone Warrick Capper look alike in Oscar Meyer. Meyers mark and goal from 30 in front shot the Tigers back in front with mere seconds left. From the ball up, Matt read the Drake tap and shot the Tigers forward where the game was blown dead by the umpire Hayse to leave 40 exhausted men lying around in front of a crowd of 50 who had not let their eyes wander for a second despite the talent parading along the walkway.

In a game for the ages, the Tigers snatched an unlikely victory to further distance themselves from the pack on the Metro ladder. They will look at this game as a scare to their air of invincibility though and look to Bradley to shore up the defence once again in June when they are due to face Roofy and the Piranhas. As they sweat on Crabs Dhoory’s injury, they will be ecstatic with the efforts of Matt and Billy who were the keys to this victory and with the brilliance of Fitz and Fish up forward, they had just enough in the tank to pull this out. Hoyt and Brennan were solid in defence and some telling spoils by Hoyt on Drake and Dallas Moreland on Forte late in the game showed the value of those one percenters.

The Rhinos however, will rue this one for a long time. For three quarters they were clearly the better team but some absolute clangers in front of goal and some mistakes around the ground left them on their knees in front of the machine that is the LS Tigers. This game could be a turning point for the Rhinos this season though as they got big games out of Gordo, McClamroch, Borchardt and Blundell. Thompson was magnificent on Oscar and the emergence of Ortiz as a legitimate forward was great for all to see, particularly a smiling Hendrie. Panek looks like he is back to his old self and Toby Allen showed the United selectors that he is all class. Choi was excellent until the corky slowed him down and Jeremy Morgan, playing back in defence, showed some of his best form for nigh on three years. Moreland and Creely, the latest Rhino recruits, were both fantastic in their first games but when that game was for the opposition it is hard to crow about it! Both are former American footballers and their athleticism is stuff for the record books and if they can get to training and become a part of this football code, United and the Rhinos will be the better for it.


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Tigers 0.3.3 3.1.19 4.2.26 1.1.7 8.7.55
Rhinos 4.1.25 1.0.6 2.0.12 1.2.8 8.3.51
Goals Tigers: Fitzgerald (4), Doorhy J (3), Meyer
Rhinos: Ortiz (2), McClamroch (2), Forte (2), Wolfe, Borchardt
Best Tigers: Fitzgerald, Doorhy J, Uhlmann, Leibowitz, Hoyt B, Moreland
Rhinos: Ortiz, McClamroch, Forte, Borchardt, Allen T, Thompson

3- Fitzgerald (LS) 3- Allen (WV)
2- Allen (WV) 2- Fitzgerald (LS)
1- Ortiz (WV) 1- Hoyt (LS)

Drake (WV) for Rough Conduct in messing up Oscars hair. When asked for a please explain after the game, Drake was quoted as saying “Oscar has never put his head over the ball in 5 years here, the opportunity was too good to pass up”. A ‘groggy’ Meyer said he felt nothing and although waking up with a headache the following morning and a feeling of nausea, a big Irish breakfast and some B- B- B-Berroccas’ fixxed him up ok.

$20 Brownstone Award:
David Ortiz (WV)