News — piranhas

2013 Metro Rd 4

2013 Metro Rd 4 0

Welcome to another round of Friday Night Footy at the Wavo! The storms that were expected never came, but the Piranhas had a storm of their own brewing and looked to continue their win streak against the Tigers. Could the Tigers weather it, or would they end up soaked?

The scoring started almost immediately as shifty Piranha forward, Nolan “Faster Than He Looks” McKeegan (3 goals)wheeled around on his trusty right boot to slot the first of the night. He and mid-fielder Keith “Head First” Campion looked up and about as Campion put up another major from an impossible angle. Matching their ferocity, however, was Tiger mid-fielder Pedro “My Eye is Finally Healed” Jimenez who collected a tough ball at ground level and kicked a great goal on the run. Joe “I before E” Swierupski had good hands, taking a few contested marks across half back. Contesting those marks was Piranha Matt “Greedy” Reid who was a tough nut in defense. After one last goal for the Tigers by Danny “Snap-Shot” Yunes (2 goals), the scores were nearly even, favoring the Tigers by 1 point.

The second quarter again opened with 2 quick goals to the Piranhas’ stalwarts Frank “Bouncy” Bradley and Doug “Flashy” Malcolm, both of whom are showing lots of veteran leadership. Quinton “Mighty” McMillen and Garret Carragher (who kicked one goal on the night) provided plenty of run on the wings for the Fish. Getting a run in the midfield, much to the chagrin of his quads, Paul “Vienna” Meyer seemed to slot in nicely next to Eric “I Think I Can” Zukowski for the Tigers. Their clean hands led to two goals in the second quarter, one to forward Graham “Teddy” Brennan, and one to first year player, Alex “Wazza” Wallach. The two sides were evenly matched until the final four minutes of the quarter when two more goals went to the Piranhas (one to McKeegan and one to Woody) as they began to pull away.

The third quarter was a story of defenses… mostly that of the Piranhas. “Betty” Palmer crashed countless packs and one ankle while Dan “Ginger” Kastilahn simply denied any entry into the Tiger’s forward 50. Matt “Spidey” Webb looked the part as he spoiled Tiger Eric “Conny” Conway’s kick in the centre square. Nick “Gleaming” Glennon ran well and supported his comrades. David “Deutzy” Deutz and Joel “Benny” Bennett, provided lead after lead for the Piranhas. Had their kicking been straighter, it could have been blood bath, but the Piranhas only managed 1 goal 4 for the quarter, to the Tigers 1 Behind.

In an effort to stop the bleeding, Al “Forever 21″ MacGlashan moved into defense and looked really strong running through the center square. Piranhas Ruckman, Jason “Taps” Holmes was excellent and showed a deft touch at center bounces against Henry “Snoop” Knoop who was all over the ground. Paul “Gloves” Enzinger provided a good target for the Tigers, as well as Steven “Chappy” Chapman but it was to no avail. The real deal, though was Tim “Munster” Hermann for the Fish. All day long he seemed to find more space than anyone. The Piranhas ran out the victors 8.7.55 to the Tiger’s 5.4.34.


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Tigers 2.2.14 2.1.13 0.1.1 1.0.6 5.4.34
Piranhas 2.1.13 4.0.24 1.4.10 1.2.8 8.7.55
Goals Tigers: Yunes (2), Wallach, Jimenez, Brennan
Piranhas: McKeegan (3), Woodman, Bradley, Campion, Carragher, Malcolm
Best Tigers: Yunes, Wallach, MacGlashan
Piranhas: McKeegan, Bradley, Campion, Hermann, Holmes
Injuries Tigers: None
Piranhas: Palmer (Ankle)

Blue Jacket (BOG): Tim Hermann
Oxford Landing Wine: Keith Campion
Golden Goose: Danny Yunes

2013 Metro Rd 2

2013 Metro Rd 2 0

Welcome back to Friday Night Footy at the Wavo! Tonight’s match saw the Wrigleyville Rhinos’ first match of the new season. Their targets were the Lincoln Park Piranhas who are coming off of a solid victory against the Tigers. 1600 people braved the conditions, ate their Meat Pies and enjoyed a great night of Football.

For two weeks in a row, the weather had turned from beautiful in the beginning of the week to a cold and wet weekend making for a slippery game of Footy. By the time Umpire Anthony “Razor” Hendrie got the center bounce all sorted, the rain had stopped. The first quarter was nearly a dead heat and saw some sloppy skills, but solid effort. Newcomer, Mark “Hightower” Appel released Ryan “Dodsy” Daudelin with a beautiful handball resulting in the first goal of the night to the Piranhas. Another first quarter standout was Rhino Alex “Neck Muscle” Wallach who continues to impress in his his rookie season. Right alongside him was fellow Rhino and reigning Metro MVP, Nolan “No-No” Schmelzer looking the task of defending his crown by slotting two goals. Adrian “Rocky” Deehan was quiet on the evening, but always seemed to find space and if the Rhinos can get him involved more, he’ll be a danger through the midfield. Though the teams were even in effort, the Pianhas kicked straighter resulting in a slight lead at the end of one. Wrigleyville: 2.1.13 to Lincoln Park: 3.0.18.

The second quarter saw the Piranhas turn up the heat a bit. Jason “Small Horse” Wilhelm was again dominant in the Ruck and supplied a beautiful kick to Keith “I’m Still Sad About Revis” Campion who kicked a beauty from the boundary for a major score early in the quarter. Unfortunately on the same play, Rhino Backman Russ “Rustoleum” Adams went down with a sore hamstring and left the game. Wrigleyville activated their sub and Drew “Wolfman” Wolfe came into the game and evened the match in the Ruck contests. Mike “Disco at the” Panek moved into the back line and added some much needed grit. Franky “Lanky” Bradley was good down back for the Piranhas and he shared the ball well with Dan “Not the Goose” Kahstilahn and Matt “Reidie” Reid who were both tough around the contest. Joey “Wiley” Kiley was outstanding amassing plenty of possessions and providing good run. He and Quinten “Q” MacMillan lead the field in the possession and really got Lincoln Park moving. At the end of two it was Wrigleyville 3.1.19 to Lincoln Park 5.1.31.

After the long break and a heavy spray from their Captain, the Rhinos put the pedal to metal. Al “Hinges” MacGlashan took a screamer from three deep and played on, allowing Eddie “size 10s” to kick a beautiful goal from 55 out. Pedro Jimenez looked solid and provided inside 50 after inside 50. Paul “Hot Dog Company” Meyer kicked one of the most beautiful behinds you’ll ever see and Nolan “Irish” McKeegan showed off his silky skills kicking three goals for the game. William “Well” Hyung looked up and about providing plenty of run, connecting with Josh “Tank” Stenger who spent last season sidelined with a knee injury. It wasn’t all Rhino’s though. Brandon “Fresh Airy” Harper looked fit while Tim “Goalsneak” Hermann also looked good. The Piranha’s third quarter, however could be summed up by Joel “the Goose” Bennett who took a beautiful mark in the goal square but prematurely played on, resulting in a holding the ball penalty. Going into the final quarter, the Rhinos lead the Fish 5.7.37 to 5.1.31

The fourth quarter was an entertaining one. The goal kicking started off with the Big Fella, Xavier “X” Burton launching one through the sticks from 30 out pushing the Rhinos further ahead. Betty Palmer was a stalwart in defense and provided some intense pressure on the Piranhas forwards. Jayson “Pep” Schmelzer never tired and collected a ton of the footy. Dougie “Eagle Eye” Malcolm took one high early in the quarter which enraged fellow Piranha Tyler “Minutes” Dorsett who took his aggression out on Rhino Eric “EZ” Zukowski. Zukowski was met solidly by Dorsett and took a little while to get back to his feet. At the final siren, it was the Piranha’s woes in front of goal that decided the outcome with the Rhinos coming out on top 7.7.49 to the Piranha’s 6.5.41.

On a side note, this game had some of the most beautiful boundary throw-ins seen in this hemisphere by an unknown Boundary Umpire who left before we could interview him. If anyone has any information, please let your administrator know.


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Piranhas 3.0.18 2.1.13 0.0.0 1.4.10 6.5.41
Rhinos 2.1.13 1.0.6 2.6.18 2.0.12 7.7.49
Goals Piranhas: Daudelin (2), Hermann (2), Bennett, Campion
Rhinos: McKeegan (3), Schmelzer N (2), Eddie, Burton
Best Piranhas: Campion, Kiley, Q
Rhinos: McKeegan, Jimenez, MacGlashan, Palmer, Wallach
Injuries Piranhas: None
Rhinos: Adams (Hammy)

Blue Jacket: Al MacGlashan
OLE Wine: Alex Wallach
Goose: Joel Bennett

Fish Sneak Past Tigers in Round 1

Fish Sneak Past Tigers in Round 1 0

Welcome back to another season of CAFA Metro Footy! We’re excited to get the season underway and boy did we ever. It was a blustery, cold and wet night at Waveland Oval where the Piranhas took on the reigning premiers, the Tigers. Could David slay the mighty Goliath on opening day? What a statement that would be. All In all, 28 men braved the conditions in a 14/side Mud Bowl on opening day. And it was a crackah.

Quarter one began in a downpour making for extremely slick and slippery conditions. From the moment Umpire Drakey McBurny tossed the first ball up, the taps were generally dominated by Piranha’s Ruckman, Jason “Pony Boy” Wilhelm, who was very good around the ground amassing the possessions and kicking two goals on the day. His opponent, Henry “Man Mountain” Knoop was able to win his own footy at ground level and was opportunistic kicking one of his own. Both midfields worked extremely hard; however it was The Piranha midfield that seemed to take the game on. Piranha Rover, “Keefer” Campion amassed 12 contested possessions in the opening two minutes, while Tigers Rover “EZ” Zukowski seemed comfortable back on the footy field. Both had solid games. The first quarter was a lot of rebounding off of half back. On Debut, and impressing, was Tiger Alex “Yeah, this Footy stuff is no problem” Wallach who showed good hands and a nose for the footy. Another solid contributor for the Piranhas was another Debutant in Tim “Don’t worry, I got this” Hermann, who kicked a goal. At the end of one, the Piranhas led Tigers 12-8.

By the time the second quarter started the rain had stopped but the slippery conditions continued, and prevailed. Coming out of the gate, the Piranha’s work at ground level was sloppy, yet they continued to pump the ball into their forward line through the tireless work of both Andrew “Sainty” St. James (who looked great, returning from a shoulder injury that sidelined him all last season) and Jason “Pep” Schmelzer. They seemed to be everywhere yet were consistently under pressure by the Tiger defense led by Al “Robo-Knee” MacGlashan who was leading by example from start to finish. Fellow Tiger backmen, Mike “Disco” Panek, and newcomer Rick “what do you mean we should have scored on ourselves?” Pasquesi were courageous defenders and their efforts led to a goalless quarter for the Piranhas who had plenty of opportunities but couldn’t capitalize. In the closing seconds of the first half, The Tigers nearly kicked a goal through an outstanding effort by last Season’s MVP, Russ “Rusty” Adams. Adams appeared to slot one on the run from 55, but instead the goal umpire believed it hit the post. the replays were apparently inconclusive and it went in the books as a minor score. The Piranhas hang on to the lead, 2.5.17 to 2.3.15.

The third quarter was much of the same for both sides. Piranhas utility Doug “Dougie” Malcolm was his usual combative self and word around town was he could be standing in front of the match review panel for his tackle on Tiger debutant Randy “Bells” Andrus. He was cleared, however, as the hit was deemed legal and without malice. Pedro “Pedro” Jimenez did some great work at ground level and looks to have had a great offseason while Tyler “Minutes” Dorsett provided a lot of forward pressure, putting his body on the line for the Fish. Another impressive pair of debutants, Quinten “Q,” and Joey “Joey” K, took a number of contested marks on the wing and provided some inspiration in what was an otherwise uneventful quarter which saw both teams kick 1.1 and they went into the final quarter at the same difference as the third. Goals to both David “Deutzy” Deutz, and Wallach. Piranhas lead by two: 3.6.24 vs 3.4.22.

Knowing the lead could be theirs, the Tigers turned on the burners, and had an outstanding opening to the 4th quarter. Not even the great goose, “DK” could contain Graham “Crackers” Brennan who was the main target up forward. He a great night racking up 4 goals and coming alive when his side needed him. Providing him the opportunities was reigning Metro MVP, Nolan “Wheels” Schmelzer who worked hard across half forward, but their efforts were not enough. David “Fitzy” Fitzgerald and his left foot finally got warmed up too and put the nail into the coffin after Joe “Grizzly Adams” Swierupski apparently forgot how to play football giving away the last of 37 free kicks for the evening. At the final siren, and after much deliberation and flip flopping, the umpires agreed the final score to be: 6.5.41 to 6.8.44 in favor of the Piranhas.


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Tigers 1.2.8 1.2.8 1.1.7 3.0.18 6.5.41
Piranhas 2.0.12 0.5.5 1.1.7 3.2.20 6.8.44
Goals Tigers: Brennan (4), Knoop, Wallach
Piranhas: Fitzgerald (2), Wilhelm (2), Deutz, Hermann
Best Tigers: Brennan, Wallach, MacGlashan, Zukowski
Piranhas: Fitzgerald, Wilhelm, Campion, St John
Injuries Tigers: Brazendale (Hammy)
Piranhas: None

BOG (Blue Jacket) – Pony Boy
Oxford Landing – Alex Wallach
Swans Flag – Sainty
Golden Goose – DK

2012 Metro Rd 7 0


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Piranhas 1.3.9 2.3.15 4.2.26 4.2.26 11.10.76
Tigers 3.4.22 1.0.6 2.1.13 0.2.2 6.7.43
Goals Piranhas: McKeegan (3), Edwards (2), Hayes (2), Ward N (2), Bennett, Campion
Tigers: Deutz (3), Yunes, Curran, Brennan
Best Piranhas: Hayes, Ward N, Campion, Bradley
Tigers: Deutz, Brennan, Zukowski

2012 Metro Rd 6 0


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Tigers 1.3.9 3.3.21 1.0.6 2.1.13 7.7.49
Piranhas 2.1.13 0.1.1 2.1.13 2.0.12 6.3.39
Goals Tigers: Deutz (2), Schmelzer N (2), Swierupski, Knoop, Enzinger
Piranhas: Reid, Dorsett, Daudelin, Campion, Bradley, Ward N
Best Tigers: None
Piranhas: None

2012 Metro Rd 5 0

On a gusty eveining along the Lake Michigan shoreline, the Lincoln Square Tigers hosted the Lincoln Park Pirahnas at Waveland Oval. That particular Friday arrived hot, humid, and overcast– promising a slippery endeavor for both sides. The Tigers were coming off a shattering loss to the Rhinos in the previous round, they seemed ripe for the taking and the Pirahnas came into the game hungry.

Straight from the opening siren, the Pirahnas came out strong through the middle, providing run and using the ball cleanly. Frank “Slicker than You” Bradley was a stalwart force in defense for the visitors, constantly rebounding errant Tiger disposals. Tyler “Freight Train” Dorsett, probably the loudest on the ground, was making terrific leads out of Half Forward and was marking everything coming his way. Although coming out strong and dominating for much of the quarter, the Pirahnas never got any real scoreboard pressure. At the first quarter siren it was Lincoln Square 2 Goals 3 to Lincoln Park’s 2 Goals 4.

The second quarter began as an arm wrestle and ended that way as well. Looking like a man who might do quite a bit of arm wrestling, Pedro “I drink Budweiser for the taste” Jimenez began to really impose himself in the middle. He ran strong and was able to slot a goal against the flow. Keith “Champion” Campion continues to impress in his first year. A real in and under player, many of the Pirahnas scores over the evening came from his hard work. Though the second quarter saw The Tigers begin to surge, the Pirahnas continued to put a choke hold on them by quick play at half back and keeping pressure on their opponents defense. Joel “Electrolytes” looked impressive on debut in Full Forward for the Pirahnas. He played instinctively as as a forward and took a couple of nice marks over the head of Brian “my band’s playing tonight” Hoyt who was sorely missed after half time. Once again, the Pirahnas seemed to have control everywhere except the scoreboard. By the long break, it was LST: 5.4.34 and LPP: 5.10.40

It was time for the Tigers to get a fast start, and so they did through the inspirational play of David “my wife is super cool for keeping score” Deutz.Deutzy played like a man possessed as he slotted 3 goals in as many minutes. Playing like a man posessed, he contested a ruck contest, gathered his own crumbs, dashed out of the pack and drilled one home from 30. With the Tigers mid-field finally firing, Danny “Crazy Legs” benefitted by kicking two goals. Danny has been a revelation for the Tigers this season, winning his share of 50/50s and moving the ball forward. It wasn’t all Lincoln Square, however. Billy “Metro” Ullman was a worry for the Tiger’s midfielders as he showed a big tank and ran all day long. His silky skills were on display throughout the third quarter and was rewarded with a great goal on the run from 35. It wasn’t enough though, as the Tigers took the quarter and the lead: 10.7.67 to the Pirahna’s 7.11.53

The first goal of the fourth quarter was crucial. Both squads played hard but it was Lincoln Square’s midfield that had more gas. The Tiger’s sub, Eric “the Closer” Zukowski played with plenty of dash and hit Nolan “Reminds me of someone” Schmelzer on the chest with a beautiful lace out pass. The next Ruck contest, however went in the favor of the Pirahnas. The benefactor was David “I like to Kick” Fitzgerald whose massive left foot kick whistled through the uprights at post height. Oh yeah, did I mention he kicked it from the goal square? BKOG (Best Kick on Ground), however, went to another Pirahna debutant, “Aussie” Mike. Amassing 30 disposals and going at 78% kicking efficiency. Mike’s experience showed as he slotted Lincoln Park’s last goal of the evening from the boundary line. The rest belonged to the Tigers. The dam broke when Mike “Twinkle Toes” Panek boomed a ugly looking–but true– drop punt from 40 out for a major score. On the next ball up, Joe “Sunscreen” Swierupski broke a tackle, dashed from the pack, took three bounces and kicked a goal on the run. Whatever steam the Pirahnas had was spent, and the Tigers took off kicking 6 straight to the Pirahnas 2.2.

As the final siren wailed, the Tigers finished off the Pirahnas: 16.7.103 to 9.13.67


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Piranhas 2.4.16 3.6.24 2.1.13 2.2.14 9.13.67
Tigers 2.3.15 3.1.19 5.3.33 6.0.36 16.7.103
Goals Piranhas: Aussie Mike (4), Fitzgerald (2), Uhlmann
Tigers: Deutz (5), Yunes (4), Schmelzer N (3), Swierupski (2), Jimenez, Panek
Best Piranhas: None
Tigers: None