News — footy

Burgmann Fields, IL- On a night when Warrick Burgmann ‘guaranteed’ he would be in attendance, the person that would have been his direct opponent cut loose, getting his Rhinos over the line in a great game on Chicagos’ lakeshore. Gerard Forte, brother of Bears running back Matt, was able to patrol the Wrigleyville backline so successfully that the Rhino backline has been renamed Fort(e) Gerard.

Both teams turned up with excellent numbers again, displaying the advances the competition has made since its inception 4 seasons ago. A few random Piranhas popped up and were absorbed to have a 16 a side game with 2 on the bench for each team, remarkable numbers considering the big guns missing from both teams (Burgmann for the Tigers and Wolfe, OBK and Miller for the Rhinos…. rumors of the Miller/ Burgmann duo performing at the Man Hole again on Halsted were trying to be validated but as of this going to press, neither party were returning phone calls).

From the bounce, the Rhinos looked the most dangerous as a proppy Poncho took the field alongside Tiger legend Mustard De Jong whose successful return was a welcome sight for all involved with Chicago football. In an unremarkable first quarter, Jeff Borchardt, playing on the ball for the Rhinos, was able to press forward and took a nice grab 30m out and duly stepped up and went BANG to kick the only goal of the quarter. As was expected, this was a low scoring game as both teams feature strong backlines but not a lot of power up front.

The second quarter brought more of the same with both defenses on top. Mustard, along with James, Poncho, Glenn, Art and Tezza were causing headaches for the Rhinos while Forte was doing the same at the other end, ably aided by Deeham, Scher, Panek and Morgan. Crackers Brennan, nursing a neck injury from his heroics in the Nashville game, started to see a bit more of the ball as the Tiger centers started to get on top. Big Joe was sensational in the ruck and his work with Rory and Crabs was the stuff of legends as the three young Americans controlled the bounces and stoppages. The Rhinos, with no one within 6 inches of the big fella threw Aussie Mike at him who battled hard (did a much better job than his coach it must be said!) and won numerous kicks around the ground to be an effective player for the Rhinos. Disco Panek was playing well down back and Jeremy Morgan was much better also and the two of them, together with big games from John Scher, Kansas Hattery and Glenn Clarke in defence went along way to the Rhinos continuing to keep the Tigers at bay until Crackers got a jump on Disco. His mark and goal put the Tigers up before Forte produced play of the game. Marking across half back he went in board to Aussie Mike who played on and hit Borchardt with a lovely pass. Forte continued running down the wing and was rewarded with the handball from Borchardt and from 30 odd out banged home number 2 for the Rhinos and send them into the main break 2.2: 14 to 1.6: 12.

The third quarter was all Rhinos as they looked to put the game away as the Tiger defense became stretched to the point of breaking. A busy Todd McClamroch was able to kick his first and then seconds later Drake was able snap truly in traffic bringing up the Rhinos fourth. Ambrosino found himself unmarked and after taking the mark went bang and kicked the Rhino out to its biggest lead of the game as they threatened to break the game open. But to the Tigers credit, they refused to give up as their centermen continued to win the ball with Oscar, Joe and Roroy particularly busy. Frenchie started getting some of it and more importantly for the Tigers, big guns Hoyt and Uhlmann started to get a few kicks. When Brian Hoyt was awarded a free kick late in the third, he kicked a ripper of a goal to give the Tigers a look in at the orange break, trailing the Rhinos 5.5: 35 to 2.6: 18.

The Rhinos started strongly again but weren’t able to put the game away despite kicking the first through Drew Ehlers who caught an embarassed BJ Gambaro red handed in the goal square.Ehlers goaled and Gambaro won the golden goose for his efforts that saw Mustard in the awkward position of not knowing whether to point and laugh or kick him. Another free kick to the Tigerman in Fish Dhoory brought up the Tigers third as the game finally got interesting. Hoyt ran into an open goal to bring the Tigers even closer as the Rhinos started to show cracks as they tired. Joe, Crabs and Rory continued to dominate through the center and if not for some classic defending by the likes of Forte, Disco, Dorsett, Deeham (another sensational game by the way and impressive bruise to go with it) and the birthday boy in Scher, this could have been a different result. As it was, the tigers kept attacking with Hoyt continuing to look dangerous as well as Grisoni, the brothers Dhoory and Oscar who were all getting plenty of it. When Rory goaled to get the Tigers within a kick the Rhinos finally started to win possession again and were able to run the game out, finally winning by a solitary kick.

GOLDEN GOOSE:
BJ Gambaro for playing on while on the goal line and being caught by the devastating speed that is Drew Ehlers. Runner up was Warrick Burgmann for his inglorious effort of guaranteeing attendance but golden goose rules insist one must be in attendance at the globe to receive the award and despite him saying he’d be there (“there’s beer there mate”) we knew better.

CHICAGO, IL- In another game for the ages between these two classic rivals, Chicago outlasted a ferocious Kangaroo outfit but ended up paying a huge cost for the win with two big injuries, both broken ankles… and worse, to Chris ‘Bluey’ Carroll and Brett ‘Pablo’ Isadore. Isadore’s fracture is less severe but will sideline him for most of the season whereas big Bluey’s horrific injury in the dying moments could end one of the great American careers in MAAFL and US Footy.

Nashville was treated to a beautiful day at Rogers Park with a disappointing crowd basking in a pleasant 70 degrees with a slight wind that had no real effect on the game but if it did, it was towards the southern end where Chicago, who won the toss on captain BJ Gambaros call, were kicking. An interesting decision by Nashville to only play 14 a side, despite bringing 20 blokes, left plenty on the bench for both teams and on a big ground, there was plenty of running ahead, particularly for the backlines of both teams as the two big forwards, the magnificently besparkling domed Chris Moerman from Nashville and the father to be in Roofy Ward for Chicago were both coming into the game in red hot form. Both teams opted for a spare man in defence to stifle the big men as Whitey took the first bounce to get her underway.

From the bounce, Chicago cleared and with a forward line more open than a Illinois politicians checkbook, gave Ambrosino plenty of room to move and the little fella swooped onto a ball and slotted a smart snap through (on the left boot by the way!!) to get proceedings going. Chicago continued to attack and when big Roofy tapped a loose ball to his coach, he took off like a gazelle and Drakes handball found the leaping leviathan (it’s a word, look it up!) who sauntered into an open goal to send shivers down the Kangaroo bench as Marty Thompson searched for answers. It didn’t take the kangas long to find those answers however and the boys from the the other side of the Mason Dixon hit back with a vengeance. Slated in pre game chats as a potential game winner, perennial Chicago pain in the butt Dee Vsetka started to get plenty of it and banged home Nashvilles first after a nice handball got him into open space. Seconds later, Nashvilles best in little Matty Langley broke free to snap truly and it was all Nashville as they dominated the center through the brothers Grimm in the Nemeths and Dave Walker (great to see him back after the injury too just quietly) was getting a tonne of touches too. The Kangaroo’s ageless legend, Jeff Persson showed he still has plenty left in the tank as he hit the bagman in Moerman with a cracker pass on the left tit which the follicularly challenged big fella slotted home from about 40 out. At quarter time, Nashville had shot out to a 3.4: 22 to 2.2: 14 lead.

The second stanza started much like the first with Chicago getting the jump on the Roos early in this, the 15th meeting of the two clubs. From the throw in, Roofy was able to gather and snap truly to wrest the lead back. From a center clearance, Ambrosino kicked a coaches manual perfect crumbers goal to get the crowd of around 50 going as the Chicago forwards started to appreciate the service given to them. Ward was the difference between the two teams and when a full tilt Ryan Hayse hit him on the lead, the big fella was able to slot home number three. When Roofy kicked his fourth after a big grab over Travis Quigley, the United had opened up a 19 point buffer and looked poised to take control of the game as their runners were starting to get on top and the backline was providng plenty of opportunities in transition as Nashville continued to bomb it into the big fella in Moerman, hoping he could beat 2 and sometimes 3 Chicago defenders. Matt Langley, who worked tirelessly all over the ground was winning plenty of the ball and received a free kick in front of goal which he duly slotted through to stop the Chicago momentum. Another free kick seconds later brought up another Nashville goal, this time through Moerman as the Kangaroos, as they had done in the first, hit back at their hosts. At the half, Chicago led 6.6: 42 to Nashvilles 5.8: 38

Langley, Vsetka and Moerman were the topics of heated conversation as the Chicago coaching staff looked to stem the tide of undisciplined free kicks and a center line for Nashville that was cutting Chicago to shreds. Drake came out of the forward line and into a ruck roving position after Pablo Iasadores injury. This sent Bradshaw up forward and then the two telling moves of the game for Chicago were probably Crabs Dhoory onto Matt Langley and a very quiet Drew Wolfe onto Chris Moerman to give the St Louis twins in Gambaro and Caroll room to move in the backline. Dhoory in particular was instrumental as he tagged and harassed Langley to perfection, slowing the little man down and stopping the free reign he was haivng at the stoppages where he was able to constantly hurt the United.

Nashville came out hard but the Chicago defence stood tall with Drew Wolfe revelling in his new role on the dangerous Moerman with several goal saving spoils frustrating Mustard De Jongs Nashville twin. Roofy, leading hard, was able to snap truly and kick his fifth as he threatened again to break the game open off his own boot. From the ensuing bounce, big EP, playing his first game in Chicago colors, found Drake who, after dodging a few tacklers and surprising all with his agility, hit a running Betty Palmer in space who dutifully nailed Chris Bradshaw who went back and went BANG to set the dingoes amongst the Kangaroos as Chicago again looked set to run away with the game. But this is a well coached, desperate Nashville team who hate losing, particularly to us and they once again were able to hit back as Chicago started to look tired. Mischa Nemeth started getting kicks and their other big Australian, Justin White, was taking mark after mark. Vsetka was awarded another free kick in front of goal to get some reward for the hard work being done by the Roo boys. They continued to attack but the Chicago defence hung on desperately, continually forcing the Roo forwards into hurried shots and never giving them the space they wanted. A late bomb on the siren brought up Chris Bradshaws second of the game, a very important goal in the context fo the game as it was against the flow and stemmed the Nashville pressure as both teams went into the orange break with Chicago leading 9.7: 61 to 6.13: 49.

Both coaches pleaded with their tiring charges but it was Nashville that came out best and if not for some huge work by the Chicago backs in Gambaro, Carroll, Uhlmann, Oscar, Rocky Deeham and Wolfe, Nashville could have stolen this one. As it was, Nashville youngster ‘Whippet’ Liepply kicked the quarters first, a ripper of a snap from a Nemeth handball that surprised no one more than young Whippet himself whose clebrations saw him take off down Western Avenue with an impressive series of cartwheels, handstands, round outs and plenty of high fives to anyone within a mile radius. Whippet had another chance seconds later but was unable to slot that one through. Chicago was desperate and it was the big man that stepped up again, Roofy bringing up the two finger salute with another smart snap.

The game was delayed for 20 minutes after the sickening injury to Bluey Carroll saw the paramedics cart him off and the Chicago coaching staff were scrambling as they looked to fill the humongous void left by him and his mate BJ who accompanied him to the hospital. A free kick to Moerman 15 out sent shivers through the crowd but he missed and from the kick in Chicago were able to clear down the outer wing where Uhlmann found Drake who was in a tonne of space. He popped it over to Nolan Mc Keegan who centered for Chicago. Some to-ing and fro-ing eventually saw the ball fall back to McKeegan who banged home the winner for Chicago as De Jong breathed a massive sigh of relief on the sideline. Chicago continued to attack as their depth showed through and they were able to run out the game, winning 11.7: 73 to 7.17: 59

This was probably the most important game of the season as it puts Chicago in the drivers seat to claim their third MAAFL title in as many years. Nashville will rue missed opportunities as they try to beat Chicago on the road, a feat not yet accomplished. The game however, was a tribute to both teams and an excellent example of Australian Football with tough, uncompromising styles on both sides of the ball. In a tale of two forwards, it was Roofy Ward who ruled the roost and put his stamp on this game from the outset as Moerman battled hard against a determined Drew Wolfe whose second half was instrumental in this win, keeping the big fella to just 2 for the game. Carroll and Isadore are huge losses that Chicago must overcome if they are to come out of the deep freeze in Minneapolis with a win in three weeks.

GREEN JACKET:
Drew Wolfe

GOLDEN GOOSE:
Stacy Elmore (missing an absolute sitter of a goal 2ft out under no pressure)

It was a dreary, murky morning when the heavily favored boys from Chicago took their allocated seats and began the long drive down the I-65 to meet the Ohio Valley River Rats in Cincinnati. Luckily, United had sent three lads in Basher, Forte and young Jack Thompson down the night before to at least have some players fresh and settled for the season opener. United were to welcome first MAAFL gamers in ‘Rocky’ Deehan, Nolan McKeegan, Basher, Forte and young Jack Thompson. Selectors were impressed by Rocky’s commitment to looking after himself by attending a relaxing evening at the Art Museum the night before. The poor lad was then so anxious about the game he was unable to get to sleep. The anxiety continued throughout the day with repeated vomiting. Bloody lucky he played well!

The team eventually arrived in Cinci expecting to see Bash, Forte and young Jack Thompson awaiting them but alas this was not to be and it wasn’t to be for a long time afterwards. United had also learnt of the loss of Pace, Clarkey and The Kid on the journey down so the team was 6 players short of what was expected to start the game. The weather had cleared up setting the scene for a great game of football.

United’s team was reshuffled to account for missing players and they started well with an early goal to Hoyt. This was about the only joy for Chicago in the 1st Quarter as the River Rats begun to run rampant around the ground winning possession at will and easily moving the ball amongst themselves without any pressure. Matt Suellar was dominant up forward for the Rats overpowering his quality Chicago opponents and kicking 3 of their 5 goals for the quarter. While ‘Lenny’ Ehlers was able to score his first goal against the tide for United to add some respectability to the scoreboard, the team looked like they’d all been eating meat pies throughout the 5 hour journey that morning. To add to the disappointment of the 1st Quarter, United cruelly lost the services for the rest of the game of top player, ‘Poncho’ Bradley with a dislocated shoulder. Roofy Ward, Crackers Brennan and Lenny were the exceptions in a lack lustre display.

While the team was disapponted with their efforts, after a cool, quiet quarter time discussion amongst the team, their was a strong resolve to do better in the 2nd Quarter. The team was also bolsted by the appearance of Basher, Forte and young Jack Thompson at the field. Apparently the three lads thought it was a 20 minute trip from Louisville to Cinci rather than the 2 hours that it actually took.

The intensity lifted ten fold in the 2nd Quarter with the River Rats sensing the biggest upset in US Footy history and United determined to reverse the flow of the game. Two quick goals to Lenny and one to Betty Palmer tightened the game up before Ohio Valley rolled the dice again and extended their lead with a couple of goals. The desire from both teams was obvious with players throwing themselves at the ball willing their team to take the momentum. First gamer Nolan McKeegan entered the fray and was an unlikely star for United and it was his hard work to get the ball to Roofy who tied up the scores at half time.

The game was balancing on a razor’s edge at half time though the feeling in the United camp was that the game had turned. Chicago’s onballers were winning plenty of the ball and were moving it quickly to the dominant Roofy and Lenny up forward. The support for each other in contests that was lacking early in the game was suddenly there with plenty of options provided to blokes stuck in tight situations. Forte moved down back to support his skipper, BJ Gambaro, and together they were wrestling control from Sueller up that end of the ground. The team knew that sticking to their style of play was going to be too much for the River Rats to overcome.

The 3rd Quarter begun very much like the first with liitle drive through the center and Coach Mustard was preparing himself for another cool, quiet discussion with his troops. While Ohio Valley once again dominated the midfield a determined defence for United prevented any scoring. Inspired by the work of Fitzy, BJ, Forte and Rocky down back the rest of the team cam to life. Great team play by Betty and Nolan resulted in Fitzy scoring a goal followed by more quality team goals to Oscar and Lenny. This was to be the last resistance from the River Rats as the remainder of the game was all Chicago. In what was a game in the balance at half time, Chicago were going into the last quarter with a 23 point lead.

The last quarter rained goals for the men from the windy city as again their quality team play and ball movement ran rings around their gallant opponents and provided plenty of scoring opportunities for their team mates. A lighter and much fitter (though I still wouldn’t let him pet the rabbits, George) Lenny capped off a great game with two more for the quarter to finish with six for the game. Young Jack Thompson provided some quality efforts in defence to once again help keep Ohio Valley scoreless for the quarter and his experience will no doubt prove beneficial in the future.

The game was over and Chicago could feel pleased with a 68 point victory after their longest road trip of the year. Our game style has again progressed from last year and helped to offset a lack of fitness which plagues the club early in the season (those damn Chicago winters). Roofy was sensational at Center Half Forward and will continue to provide plenty of opportunities for anyone who is willing to run to his feet and collect his crumbs. Crackers was the dominant onballer for our club gaining 1000 possessions through the midfield and BJ and Forte were dominant down back after quarter time. The major blow for the club is the loss of Poncho who will be desperated to beat the odds and be available for the big clash against the Nashville Kangaroos on the 30th of May.

Well done to all who made the trip. Anyone who has made a trip to Cinci can attest for it being an absolute classic experience. The game has set the scene for the club to make a charge at becoming the first MAAFL team to 3peat. Positions on the team are only going to be getting hotter with about 6 players returning to the side for the Nashville Kangaroos game on the 30th of May. Getting to trainings can greatly increase your chances of playing.

GREEN JACKET:
Drewbie Ehlers

GOLDEN GOOSE:
Rod “Basher” Bashford (arriving late for the game after driving down the day before)

Burgmann Fields, IL- The Chicago lakefront was abuzz both before and after this titanic struggle Friday night. The return of Rod Bashford brought out some 3 extra supporters to add to the Gore army and after their impressive win first up against the Tigers of Lincoln Square, it was a confident Wrigleyville club that took the field to take on last years premier, the incredibly tall and strong Piranhas.

In a turn for the ages, it was Wrigleyville who lobbed with the numbers, bringing every player on their list excepting legendary figure Craig ‘Funky’ Miller who is as reclusive as Warrick Burgmann these days. Reports that the two old mates have begun shacking up at the corner of Belmont and Halsted and winning tonnes of money in the ‘shower competition’ held every friday night at the Man Hole have not been confirmed…. nor denied. The Rhinos actually had to hand over their latest recruit, Sammy Blundell to the Piranhas and like a bastard, he must have picked up 10 possessions in the first half to piss Morgan and Drake right off. The Piranhas managed 14 or so and the cheating bastards roped Crackers Brennan into the game which we will discuss no more in this media (Ku*ts).

Anyway, back the foooty (you can tell the Piranhas coach is a bloody Collingwood supporter can’t you, cheating bastard… not sour grapes, more like sour bloody lemons, how the hell did we lose this Rhinos? SHIIIIT!). Now, back to it, I’m good again and apologise to the Lincoln Park fans and the scumbags that play for them. The game started with Mustard (or as he shall be known now… the blind bloke in white, I thought it was knee that was the problem, not his eyesight?) tossing the Sherrin skyward as big Stace and Wolfey stared each other down. The Piranha was first out of the gate with impressive sorties forward which were marred by some dodgey kicking and a staunch Rhino defence ably lead by Forte (someone find a nickname for him on this trip please…. Hoyt, get him drunk, naked and tied to a pole and see what we can come up with) and Disco who was starting to come back into some form ahead of the big one in Cinci.

The Piranhas were on top in the middle as Brennan, Isadore and Stace repeatedly won it out of the center but around the ground the Rhino was reigning supreme but they hit a wall in the name of Bluey everytime they went forward. His run, coupled with St Louis’s other favorite son in Gambaro was a privilage to watch. Big Roofy was again being frustrated up front as Forte was doing a stellar job on him and the Rhino backs kept them in it as John ‘high and happy’ Scher, Glenn Clarke and Jeffrey Borchardt all provided excellent opportunities for their forwards. It wasn’t until Forte, creeping up the ground, was able to take a bounce and kick long that the Rhinos finally were able to score. His bomb found the OBK who took what many called mark of the century. The kid, not missing a beat, played on and drilled the Rhinos first from about 50 (inches) out. At the quarters end, the Rhino loomed large, 1.0:6 to 0.3: 3.

The Piranha was not to be denied though and came out full of piss and vinegar as the game rose a notch. The tackling was sensational and there wasn’t an easy kick to be found (trust me, I looked everywhere for one). New gun Nolan was the first to score with an impressive goal to put the Piranhas in front and when Bluey, after another of his damaging runs out of defence took a bounce and went BANG from 40 put the Piranhas further in front it was a worried Drake that threw himself into the ruck and Wolfe to full forward to see whether the Rhinos could get something going. The ploy worked with Wolfe banging home a snap in heavy traffic to send the game into half time with the Piranhas in front 2.5: 17 to 2.1: 13

With the Piranhas on top through the center, Ambrosino went into the middle but with the move of Roofy into the ruck, the Pirnahs continued to dictate the flow of the ball but were unable to break the back of the Rhino as their youngsters continued to frustrate. Jack Thompson again showed he is a class act as did first gamer Elijah (Oscars mate hence a future Tiger) and the unsung Rhinos such as the two Tylers (Hattery playing a great game on Al and then tristan), Scher and panek were able to weather the storm and turn the game for the Rhino. Drake threw the dice and moved Morgan to defence and Forte up front and the big fella saluted his coach with two big 3rd quarter goals to put the Rhinos back in front and send MacGlashan sprawling as he searched his stacked team for answers to the big blonde. Forte could’ve had number three were it not for a ‘Golden Goose’ moment from the other big blonde in Wolfe. A Forte bomb was met by the lone Wolfe in the goalsquare whose attmepted mark hit him in the chest, knocked him over and dribbled through for a behind. The ensuing Gambaro kick in found the one Rhino in amongst about 8 Piranhas as BJ raised his hand for the Golden Goose too. Luckily for the other big blonde (sounds like the pages of playboy!), Borchardts shot flew wide and the Pirnhas were able to clear. Enter Rohan Ward. Well beaten last week and constantly frustrated by poor Piranha delivery, the great man finally said enough is enough and went on his way to winning the game by himself. MacGlashan went down back to get out of his way and the Roof took over. His goal, on the trot late in the third was important as it wrested the lead back from the Rhinos, who had had most of the play and were now going into the orange break 4.1: 25 to 3. 9: 27 down.

The last quarter had everything as both teams threw everything they had at each other. The backmen for both teams were under incredible pressure but didn’t crack. The piranhas, preffering the long bomb, took away their big advantage in Roofy, providing easy fodder for Drake who had put himself back to try and stem the Ward onslaught. Kastilahn was given the big job on Forte and MacGlashan played himself free across the backline and he took some telling grabs. Roofy’s next opportunity came via a very suspect ‘handball’ (can’t complain though, everyone except for mustard saw the first one for the Rhinos!) which he duly snapped over the shoulder for number 2 to send the Piranhas fans into a frenzy. The Rhinos continued to attack though and if not for some stanuch defence, would have won. A telling play by the OBK on the goal line where he rose above a pack of players like Michael Jordan himself and tapped it to Basher let the little man nail his first and get the Rhinos to within a point. She was hairy stuff as following the bounce, Borchardt marked and drove the ball forward urging his forwards to take one last grab but like a Greek God, big Al was able to mark in front of Forte and clear the danger. The whistle sounded like a poachers gun shot to the Rhino heart as the Piranhas ran out winners by one freaking point meaning all teams have a win each after the first round of Metro.

Burgmann Fields, IL- Without the ‘mann’ brothers in Burg and Uhl and also missing Biggs, Crabs and Frenchy, the Tigers destroyed the short handed but still powerful Piranhas with a suffocating backline, great ball use and constant pressure that the Piranhas couldn’t handle, making many elementary skill errors and mental mistakes.

The Tigers started red hot and were never challenged in this one. Oscar Meyer, very vocal midweek about Wrigleyville’s borrowing of Piranha players last week, feasted on a great big piece of humble pie as the Rhinos Gordon Ambrosino, back from rockclimbing in Arizona and playing for the Tigers broke the game open with two first term goals, both from great marks. Brian Hoyt was busy after his poor showing last week and Crackers Brennan was everywhere, absolutely everywhere and doing pretty much what he wanted. His run from the center was a tribute to the ruck work of both new Tiger guns EP and Joe, both of whom were sensational throughout the whole game. Hoyt banged on number three for the Tigers before the Piranhas had even visited their forward line. When Brennan kicked number four, a rout was on the cards as the Tigers had winners everywhere. All Piranha forays forward were met by the great wall of Poncho and his pack of hungry Tigers including first gamer Rory, Art and Clarkey. The efforts from MacGlashan and Bluey in the overwhelmed backline for the Parkers were for nought as clearing kicks continually found the imposing arms of Tiger big men, Poncho, Joe, EP and Pace who merely drove the ball back inside 50 for their hungry forwards. At quarter time, a shell shocked Piranha outfit limped in 4.3: 27 to 0 to a verbal tongue lashing from the big Aussie from Corio Bay.

The second quarter started well for the Piranhas as Deri Morgan accepted a lovely tap from big Stace in the middle, had a bit of a run and banged home the fishes first. But then, Crackers, Tommy, Rory et al had other ideas and dominating posession, control the rest of the quarter. Fitz, continuing his fine form from the end of last season hit his straps and kicked the Tigers fifth with a bomb on the trot from about 40 out that brought a big cheer from the adoring crowd. Ambrosino, proving to be a right pain in MacGlashans backside popped up again with another grab and goal from distance that effectively put the game out of reach. With the Tiger backs pushing forward at will and the sheer domination shown by Crackers, Rory, Oscar, Clarkey, EP and Joe around the ground, it was a fair effort by the Piranha backs in Big Al, Bluey from St Louisy, Cisco, Nolan, Sammy Blundell and Chris to hold the Tigers to just two. At the half, a demoralised Piranha team saw an ugly scoreboard that read 6.5: 41 to 1.1: 7.

Wholesale changes were afoot in the Park as Ehlers went forward with Roofy into the ruck and Isadore onto the ball but still the Tigers, looking for retribution for the schelacking they received a the hands of the Piranhas in last seasons grand final, continued to rub their noses in it. Rory was able to mark 20 out dead in front after yet another break down in Piranha communication and he duly slotted his first major of his fleeting career to send the Tigers further up. When Oscar Meyer found himself alone in the pocket, his ensuing mark and goal effectively killed the game, setting off wild celebrations in Lincoln Square taht lasted most of the night. Ehlers was hit on the left tit by a lovely pass late in the quarter and kicked a bomb of a goal from about 45 yds out which offered some solace as the orange break was taken, Lincoln Square leading 8. 6: 54 to 2.2: 14.

The last quarter was an arm wrestle as the Tigers missed tonnes of chances (kicking 4 straight behinds… 5 if you include that of the Piranhas) but constantly won the ball at stoppages through the tireless work of Rory, Crackers and Fitz. Despit ethe height advantage enjoyed by the Piranhas, it was the Tigers who dominated the aerial batttles with new blokes EP and Joe taking grabs at will and being very ably supported by Poncho behind them mopping up anything that got through. The frustration on Roofys face was evident as the Piranhas, usually deft of foot and hand, repeatedly hit Poncho with long bombs after ignoring his leads and demands. Ehlers was able to take a late mark and kick his second of the afternoon as the whistle mercifully ended one of the worst afternoons in Piranha history (and there’s been a few!). The Tigers went on to celebrate a big win 8.10: 58 to 3.6: 24. With big guns missing from both teams, it’s hard to gauge the effect this game will have on the rest of the season but rest assured, the Piranha will bite back and be better for the run as they face off against Jezza Morgan and the fearsome Rhinos next week in a do or die game that the Piranhas must win.

CHICAGO, IL- Burgmann Field was full to capacity with a huge crowd on hand to welcome football back to Chicagos’ beautful Lake Michigan shoreline with a cracker of a game that had everything from a bit of biffo (who didn’t love seeing Grisoni lay out Betty Palmer?) to numerous lead changes in a heart stopping last quarter.

The game started with a great showing from the Tigers and yeat another disappointing one by the Rhinos who required the services of some Pee rah nas to enable a game of 16 a side to go on. Thankfully for the Rhinos though, they did get the 12 required to miss point deductions, much to the chagrin of big Mustard who was rueing his new rule brought out mid week.

The weather was a balmy 70 odd with a good 70 odd knot wind blowing across the ground with any advantage going to the Tigers who kicked to the northern end in the first stanza. From the bounce, it was obvious this was going to be an arm wrestle as both defences were on top as sides struggled to move the ball effectively in the conditions. Rhinos went with Kansas Hattery on the dangerous Burgmann who was looking resplendant in his “sexy capri pants and manicured toes”, while Drake was shadowed by Poncho up front for the Rhinestone cowboys.

The Tigers looked the goods out of the blocks as repeated forays forward looked dangerous but the extra man in ‘D’ for the Rhinos subdued any problems. Brennan was on fire early and the run of Poncho and Crabs out of the backline gave Burgmann, Meyer and the forwards plenty of opportunity, all to no avail however. Braddis was looking good and proved to be a handful for Disco Panek all day as the seemingly 30 lb lighter version of the 08 Braddis was running around like an acne scarred teenager with some high powered binoculars at a nudist colony.

It wasn’t long before the reason all the ladies turned up got hold of the ball but much to the assembled ladies dismay, Hoyts shot flew wide. A rejuvenated Biggs took a nice grab on a long lead in front of new Rhino Tyler Dorsett but he also shot wide. The Rhinos moved the ball down the ground through first gamer Clarke, top recruit and rugby convert Adrian Deeham and perennial legend Drew Wolfe and found new manager Jezza Morgan whose bomb into the far reaches of the forward line bounced into the waiting arms of Drake who, showing a bit more agility than anyone, particularly himself expected, went left, then right then back to the left in front of Poncho. Utterly confused and rueing his decision to go onto the left, he banged it on the foot anyway, just as a huge gust of wind came through, tilting the goal post and enabling his snap to sail through, breaking the strangehold the Tigers had had on the game thus far.

From the center bounce, the Tigers went back into attack and after dropped mark number 8 by Wazza, Braddis showed him how it was done with a lovely mark and goal to send the favorites into the first break 1.2: 8 to 1.0:6 up. The Tiger guns were firing with Burgmann, Poncho, Uhlmann and especially Oscar getting plenty of it, a worrying sign for the Rhinos who were being kept in it by first gamers Glenn Clarke, Jack Thompson and the hard running Jeff Borchardt.

Against a probable 2 goal breeze, the Tigers continued to dominate with Meyer becoming a particular pain in the arse for the Rhino hierachy as he seemingly had the ball on a string. He found Braddis early and the svelte big man popped through numero dos as the Rhino backs showed some tired legs. Drake went into the ruck and Wolfe to full forward as the Rhinos searched for their next goal. The move paid dividends as momentum shifted late in the first half.

Biggsy missed again and Braddis was unlucky as his third missed by centimeters then the Rhinos struck. Jack Thompson, the nephew of Swan legend Basher took the game on his shoulders as he continually presented up front. His first went wide but then picking the crumbs from a Wolfe lead, the big man sat back and nailed his first ever goal from 30 out on a tight angle. Wolfe was proving a handful for Gaelic import Rahilly and the Rhinos seemed to be getting on top as the siren blew. At the half, the Tigers went in 3.4: 16 to 2.3: 15 up with the game very much in the balance.

The second half was a doozy as the center lines for both teams took over. For the Tigers, Uhlmann, Meyer and Crabs were terrific but the Rhino backs in first gamers Forte, Hattery, Dorsett, Deeham and BOG Clarke were running hot. Poncho, Rahilly and big Pace kept the Rhino forwards at bay and the game became a war of attrition. Braddis, who was giving Disco Panek plenty to think about was able to break through for his third of the game but Jeremy Morgan, busy up front, was able to pull the Rhinos back after a deft handball from his coach let him dribble, literally, a ball through from 20 out. As they say in golfing circles Jezza, it’s how many, not how.

Brennan then struck for the Tigers as the lead changed again and again. Hattery continued to frustrate Burgmann while Hoyt was shifted into the backline to see if he could get that elusive second touch of the game. With the 2 main Tiger forwards being shut down, Braddis continued to resist but his snap was touched through for a point. From the kick out, the Rhinos, through Clarke, Morgan and Forte moved solidly on the top wing and Fortes bomb forward found Drake whose grab in heavy traffic was rewarded with a fine goal from 40 out. At the orange break she was anyones game with the Tigers still leading 4.7: 31 to 4.3: 27.

Drake, smelling an upset, through Forte and Clarke into the middle and Wolfe back into the ruck with Deeham back in the guts as well with the aim of stopping a red hot Crackers Brennan. The move paid off for the Rhino coach as Wolfes tap from the Big Al bounce found Forte who went bang from the center of the ground and the ball, bouncing in front of a leading Aussie Mike, evaded both him and his defender and mercifully for the Rhinos went through the big sticks to put the Rhino in front. Next up and the Rhinos attacked again with Morgan missing one he should’ve kicked before big Aussie Mike Allen said thanks very much and kicked truly to bring up his first to put the first nail in the Tiger coffin. Seconds later he had another chance but a sensational diving effort from Grisoni enabled him to get a hand on a certain 6 points, keeping the Tige’s in it.

With the pressure on, the Tigers, through Meyer, Crabs, Brennan and Mark Warren kept attacking until a Rhino defensive break down saw Uhlmann mark 30 out dead in front. His shot missed and the Rhinos were able to suffocate the game as Jack Thompson, Glenn Clarke and Jeffery Borchardt each stepped up again for important plays enabling the Rhino to gore its way to a momentous victory 6.5: 41 to 4.8: 32