Ruthless Tigers Maul Rhinos


Burgmann Fields, IL- In a devastating display of Australian Football, the Lincoln Square Tigers showed why they have firmed as favorites to take out this years Metro Competition after disposing of an undermanned yet gallant Rhino outfit on friday night and picking up a new Australian gun in the meantime.

Without their leader, the great Ponch-a-relli and the flying Peanut in Billy Uhlmann, the Tigers still showed too much class with an outstanding midfield led by Crabs Dhoory and Crackers Brennan, a suffocating defence and a forward line that while it didn’t fire on all cylinders, had every opportunity needed to kick a bag. The Tigers height worried the Rhinos all day with EP, Joey Trimberger, Mustard and Piranha import BJ Gambaro each hauling in about 1000 marks between them and dominating the ruck duels which is where they were able to really put the pressure on the Rhinos who were without most of their experienced combatants.

In a warning to the well heeled Piranhas, the Tigers started hot with EP all over the smaller (yes, and fatter) Drake in the ruck and winning everything and it was mere seconds before they scored their first through Crackers Brennan as he made his intentions known. Oscar banged home a cheeky one on the line and the Rhino heirachy was already sweating as they tried to stem the tide of Tiger onslaughts. Against the play, the Rhino backs steadied and Jezza Morgan was the recipient of a lovely pass from Dave Wright, a holidaying Aussie mate of Drakes who was also 200 lb lighter then last time the two old mates saw each other at the Nar Nar Goon pub, arm in arm singing ‘Khe Sahn’. Morgans goal lightened the mood a tad and when Nolan goaled for the visitors it was game on all of a sudden. Crabs Dhoory was able to snatch one later in the quarter and sent the favorites into the first break 3.3: 21 to 2.0: 12 up.

The second stanza was all Tigers though and if not for some poor kicking for goal (and numerous rushed behinds!!), the game could’ve been over at the long break. The Rhinos tried guys everywhere but with 5 first gamers, 6 first year players and one returning legend (Fenton), the ‘experienced’ core of Scher, OBK, McClamroch, Morgan and Drake couldn’t find any answers as the big boys ruled the skies and the inform midfielders in Crabs, Fish, Crackers, Rory, new gun Matt and Braddis ran riot. Hoyt finally broke clear of John Scher to bag his first which was followed by the dash of Joey Trimberger who showed a clean pair of heels to run into an open goal and kick the Tigers out to a handsome lead. The lead was cut by six late in the quarter after some handy work by the Rhinos enabled Jez Morgan to take a very good mark in the goal square, using his body ‘MacGlashan’ like to work his opponent under the ball and his shot from point blank brought up the Rhinos only score for the quarter. At the half, the Tigers led 5.10: 40 to 3.0: 18.

The Tigers didn’t let up and like a dirty poacher in Kenya, continued to stalk the Rhino. Drake went into the backline and Aussie Mike into the ruck to see whether he could have some effect on the EP/Joe stranglehold. While the Rhinos certainly improved by chipping the ball around and increasing their handball use to try and run the gauntlet of Tigers, they rarely enjoyed a functional forward line and despite constantly pushing numbers forward, it was hard to break the Mustard/Gambaro led backline and the counter attacks from the Tigers were lethal. First blood went to Crabs Dhoory as he continued his amazing form this season. Brennan cracked his second for the afternoon before Pirnaha recruit Dougie Fresh got his first, sending the Tigers further in front. A huge mark and goal by Dave Wright brought the crowd to its feet and brought the Rhinos back to within a distant longshots chance at an upset, assuming of course, that half the assembled Tigers came down with swine flu in the following 3 minutes. At the orange break, its was all black and yellow 8.13: 61 to 4.0: 24.

Not wanting to give in, the Rhinos continued to show heart, especially the backs as they constantly attacked the ball. The Rhinos coaching staff would be particularly happy with the monster games of Glenn Clarke, John Scher who shut down Brian Hoyt, Eli Rosen and from nowhere, Tyler Dorsett who’s absolute blinder on Oscar frustrated the sausage maker all day, holding him to just one goal. In the middle, Herrmann, Borchardt and Blundell looked like they are serious players of the future and through their hard work and a hard pressing Canadian, the Rhinos brough up their fifth when the big fella from Russell in Manitoba where men are men and moose are scared got hold of the leather orb and kicked truly, if not elegantly, a mongrel punt that sailed through the big ones.

With the Rhinos preferring to press guys forward, the Tiger forwards were licking lips as they had a spare man and all the ball they needed. Hoyt marked and goaled from about 30 dead in front and then Fish Dhoory put the game in the bag with his second of the afternoon to send the Tiger Army into raptures as they ran out comfortable winners by 48 points. A very happy Mustard DeJong sent this chilling warning to Big Al and his Piranhas post game…”Yes mate, handy win against a very ordinary team. Very happy with the likes of Crabs, Matty L in the guts and the two big boys in EP and Smokin’ Joe who really won this for us in a big way. Thought Frenchy was good and Seb Grisoni is just getting better and better. Can’t wait to take on the mercenaries that make up the F&^$ing Piranhas again as we will give them a right flogging, mark my words. MacGlashan, I am coming for you”! Strong words indeed from the great man who is back to almost his best with a classic down back. On the other hand, Jeremy Morgan had this to say “no fu*&ing comment now get stuffed….. ohh, but if anyone does read your pathetic little write up Mr Scribe, just remind them that Annes Pants will be playing this saturday at 3.30pm on the cnr of Erie and Michigan, acoustic obviously. We don’t have a permit so you’ll want to be on time as it could be a short gig depending entirely on Police presence”


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Tigers 3.3.21 2.7.19 3.3.21 2.5.17 10.18.78
Rhinos 2.0.12 1.0.6 1.0.6 1.0.6 5.0.30
Goals Tigers: Brennan (2), Doorhy J (2), Hoyt B (2), Meyer, Malcolm, Trimberger, Doorhy V
Rhinos: Morgan J (2), McKeegan, Wright, Fenton
Best Tigers: Brennan, Doorhy J, Trimberger, Doorhy V, Leibowitz, Perry
Rhinos: Fenton, Rosen, Scher, Dorsett, Clarke, Blundell

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  • Thomas Shearman
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